love africa

same book, new chapter...

2009-10-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

for those of you who might be interested, i'll be continuing to write at a new blog site:

bananasinspace.blogspot.com

the title's a bit strange: the result of both a lack of creativity and an imagination gone wild -- kind of a contradiction, ehe.

thank you all for reading, listening, and sharing; you've been such an encouragement.

love,
hannah

reflections

2009-10-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

so here i am in new york city.

it's been over two months (?!) since i've been back to the states. as always, i apologize for the late update.

but just to give you a quick overview of my life right now:

i moved to new york city. i'm currently pursuing graduate studies in public health/epidemiology. i live in washington heights, but living in this part of nyc, i think i'm actually closer to new jersey than The city. but i must say, though i'm a bit removed from the hustle and bustle of true city life, i have a great view of the hudson river and george washington bridge from my apartment.

as for the transition back to the states, it's been interesting, to say the least. this move presents yet another transition in my life, and though i've had my fair share of transitions, the first few weeks were a bit tough. but... so far, so good?

optimism is key :)

really, though,

how has this past year gone by so fast? what happened to all my hopes, fears, doubts, and frustrations about this past year's mission trip? what happened to all my expectations fulfilled and unfulfilled? what happened to me?

i don't know.

it's funny when i meet up with friends and family. the first thing they say is something along the lines of, "it feels you were gone just for the weekend."

what does that mean?

in many ways, i'm still digesting all that has happened this past year. i look back, and i can't say that i've done much or done little in terms of the world's expectations.

but i can't stop thinking about carlos. i can't stop thinking about the volunteers in mozambique. i can't stop thinking about all the work that has yet to be done. i can't stop thinking about the children who are too busy surviving life. i can't stop thinking about the patient who was left alone in the gondola hospital to die.

though this past year has been one season in my life, it's been one season that has dramatically changed all the forthcoming ones. i don't know if i've done much or done little, but i can say this much:

i've learned a lot.

i've learned that one does not necessarily need talent or professional skill to impact another. jesus called the fishermen to bring God's message to the world. he chose the humble. he never asked us to be perfect. he asked us to be obedient and willing. he asked us to listen, trust, and follow. i can't stop thinking about rubatano's volunteers -- people who give out of their own poverty; people who simply listen, trust, and follow. i fell in love with their hearts.

i've learned that one does not necessarily need to be articulate in speech to be a good communicator. sounds obvious, but one touch, one glance, or one's presence with another may be enough. i can't get that image out of my mind: a tiny, frail, haggard man, only skin and bones, wrapped up in a sheet drenched and stenching with his own stool left to die and die alone. who said death was the scariest part? more than illness, poverty, hunger, or death itself, desolation, isolation, and utter hopelessness scare me the most. it may be enough just to sit next to him during such a state and time.

i've learned that one does not necessarily need the world's goods to be satisfied. again, sounds obvious, but who truly believes that in such a society as ours at a time like this? everyone wants a new toy, everyone wants to get ahead, everyone wants to become somebody; it's human nature. but when i consider the families and children who do not own a single thing and yet express genuine joy, i wonder.

i've learned that one does not necessarily need to have all the solutions to experience the peace of God. in fact, one may well experience it in circumstances of the contrary. i was worried about my family, i was worried about my relationships with others, i was worried about this trip, i was worried about the people in mozambique, i was worried about the future; i was anxious about anything and everything, but i didn't lay it before Him. i still struggle, but i realize that only when i surrender these things to Him, He brings forth clarity and grants me peace.

the list goes on and on, and i can just sit here typing all the things that have truly pierced me. but one thing stands out among others: i've learned that God is love. so simple, but so true. nothing is possible without this truth. how many times did i struggle to love other people? how many times have i come to the conclusion that certain situations are hopeless? how many times have i struggled with even the idea of seeming injustices of the world? i can't love on my own; i can't rely on myself. the world needs only one thing. God is love.

i don't know with certainty that i'll be returning to africa. but africa has become such a big part of me; i have a feeling that i will.

though i'm reluctant to bring this chapter to a close, i know there's more in store for me; there's always more to learn. who knows what will happen next?

only God knows.

and that's enough.

simple (and somewhat choppy) slide show recounting my mission trip to africa (south africa, mozambique, zimbabwe), 2008-2009.

thank you all for your prayers and generous support. i couldn't have experienced what i have without you.

coming home

2009-07-12T05:53:00.001-07:00

it's official.

Depart: July 20, 2009
Johannesburg, SA

Arrive: July 21, 2009
New York, NY
transfer to Newark, NJ to final destination:
San Francisco, CA

see you soon?

: X

when i don't love africa

2009-06-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

june 24th blog entry -- scratch that.
it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo.

haha, jk.

but today, i just remembered why i'm sometimes extremely eager to get back home. one of the things i won't miss about africa: often slow, inefficient, and almost ridiculous quality of service. granted, it's a sweeping generalization relative to western standards (t.i.a., right?), and i'm probably just speaking out of frustration, i've learned a lot about patience this past year.

***caution: long entry!

(1) a couple of months ago, i needed to download something online, print something out, and fax something outside the country. internet was working, but at the time, printers weren't readily available around the place. so i made a plan: i'll just save the document on my flash drive, go to one of the internet cafes in town, print it out at the internet cafe, and fax it at the post office (the only place where international fax is available). simple. easy.

i drove into town (a 30-minute drive from where i live) in hopes of everything going according to plan. or rather, in unsuspect of things going way out of plan. i mean, it wasn't much of a plan in the first place. this was supposed to be a simple errand.

unfortunately, joko, the first internet cafe i visited, was under reconstruction. the second one, and the only other one that i knew of, was just highly... disfunctional. i went on one of the computers, opened the document, and asked the guy if he could print out the document. sure, he said. he set things up, etc. etc., but for some reason, the document wasn't printing. the few times the printer managed to print something, my document was being printed out one fourth the size of the paper. i asked if i could see the printer and just change some things with the settings. he said no. he turned the printer on and off several times. he turned the computer off and on several times. still, the printer either said "no signal" or spewed out mini-versions of my document. he called another guy to help him out. they both were trying to figure out why this wasn't working. by that time, 40 minutes had already passed -- i'm not exaggerating. i was getting a bit frustrated and just wanted to leave.

"is there another place i can go to print?"

"joko."

great.

i finally persuaded him to see the computer myself. sure enough, the settings were not on "full-page (or whatever the settings ought to have been on)," and after a couple of more "no signals" from the printer, i was finally able to get a normal-sized hardcopy of my document.

funnily enough, i ended up paying for more than the 1 page that i had gleaned. 16 pages, to be exact.

with my document, i drove off to the post office in town. i distinctly remember it was just about 11am when i arrived. it was the weekend, which meant, all of the shops and services in town closed at noon. (which isn't to say that all of the shops don't close at noon on weekdays; all the shops in town take a 2-hour break, from noon to 2pm, every single weekday. real siestas.)

anyway, i asked the guy at the desk if international fax is available. yes, he said. he took my document, and put it through the fax machine. not surprisingly, the fax machine wasn't working. it kept on saying, "memory full," and the signal kept on cutting off.

i don't know much about fax machines, but common sense -- the little that i have -- told me to at least suggest something about this message that kept on blinking on the machine.

"i think something's wrong with the fax machine. it keeps on saying 'memory full.'"

"no, it always works."

he continued to call the fax number without receiving any signal in response. after many failed attempts, he finally called a customer service number of the company. he gave them my fax number, and they called for me. still, no response, and "memory full." after a couple of times of doing this and having casually lengthy conversations with customer service, the page finally goes through the fax machine. in the middle of it (surprise), the machine read "error." i was pretty frustrated at this point. it was 15 minutes 'til noon.

"is there any other place i can go for international fax?"

"i don't know."

"can i take my document so i can look for other places that have international fax before they close at noon?"

"just wait a moment. i'm trying again."

he tried again. and again. and finally, at noon, he gives me back the document.

"we're closing now. and fax isn't working."

-_-----

i'm at a loss for words. i just took my document and was about to leave until he called out,

"you need to pay. for the document."

"but it said error."

"but it went through."

i didn't even try to argue.

250 meticais. that's 10 dollars.

that day, i went home feeling.
just.
a little.
defeated.

(2) last week, a group of us met in town for pizza. while i'm a huge fan of pizza, i was in the mood for pasta. i ordered penne with tomato sauce, ground beef, and parmesan. after much waiting, my order finally came out.

right from the beginning, something was a bit off with my order. i didn't get penne pasta; it was spaghetti with tomato sauce, ground beef, and what looked like parmesan sprinkled and mixed in all over the spaghetti. but who cares, so i proceeded to eat. i took one bite. something tasted a little funny. i couldn't pinpoint what it was, but it just tasted funny. 'maybe they put in some kind of exotic herb.' i continued to eat it, but after a couple of bites, i had a feeling that something was actually wrong with the dish. nobody else ordered pasta or spaghetti; i couldn't compare. so i asked others to try it. sarah tried it. she also said it tasted a little funky, but couldn't tell me what it was. i passed on a bite of it to amy. she knew exactly what it was.

"oh gosh, it tastes like milk gone bad."

it was the cheese.

upon closer examination, the parmesan chunks that were mixed in all over the spaghetti and sauce had green spots all over. i was a little aghast, but still didn't know what to make of it. the following thought process, in hindsight, convinced me something about myself that i never readily admitted in the past: i have a skewed logic. a very skewed logic.

instead of calling the server right away, i thought,

'maybe it was intentional. old cheese is blue cheese. maybe it's just intentional blue cheese instead of bad parmesan.'

while i was seriously considering this nonsensical thought out loud, john intervened, "either way, it's blue cheese."

good point.

i finally called the server for the menu. the menu clearly indicated "parmesan." i called the server again and told her of my dish tasting funny. i tried to explain in my broken portuguese -- "the cheese isn't good." she looked at me squarely. i could tell what she was thinking. 'sure, that's a subjective point.' so i tried to explain -- "the cheese tastes like bad milk. it's old." after many other versions of this same explanation, the server finally went inside the kitchen and called her supervisor. the supervisor came out with a bucket of something. she opened the lid, and in it was a brand new package of parmesan cheese. she told us that this was the one they had used for my plate.

everyone at the table was a little more than skeptical. i just showed the supervisor my plate. "the cheese is green. the parmesan you're holding is not. it's not the same." the supervisor and server both denied this observation with -- "but this is the cheese we used." after much going back and forth, the supervisor and server went back into the kitchen. the server came back out, i had hoped with another plate of spaghetti (or penne) with the right cheese. but she ignored our table and continued to serve other tables.

by this time, the rest of the group had finished their pizza, and the same server came over to collect their empty plates. along with that, the server proceeded to collect my plate that was still full of green-cheese spaghetti. not knowing what was going on, i stopped her in her tracks.

"what are you doing?"

"you didn't want it."

"are you bringing another pasta dish?"

"no. but you don't have to pay for it."

-_-

you know, at least i didn't have to pay for it.

but i was hungry.

and apparently, customers are never right here.

(3) my final vent-out story after all of this long, whiny, and uninsightful rant. probably the most relevant to my life right now because this case could lead to a few serious consequences.

today, and for the past month, i've been trying to change my return flight back to the states. it's originally scheduled for the end of july: leave joburg on july 31, arrive in new york august 1, leave newark (new jersey) on the afternoon of august 1 and finally arrive in san francisco on the night of august 1. (i didn't notice this -- or rather, unconsciously ignored this factor -- that i would actually have to change airports to catch a flight from the east coast to the west. it probably has something to do with buying the cheapest ticket online with south africa airways. -_- )

anyway, i wanted to change my flight to the 22nd, arriving in the states on the 23rd. there's no function on the website to change my flight. i couldn't get hold of the south african representatives of south african airways, either (calling internationally was far too expensive, anyway). fortunately (or so i thought), there were mozambican contacts for south african airways. after calling several different mozambican numbers, i finally got hold of someone who seemed to be able to change my flight. i probably called her at least eight times throughout this past month. and conversations always go the same way. and after a month of redundant conversations and phone-tagging, i basically got nowhere.

some parts of the conversation just crack me up, though:

"what's your name?"

"hannah chung (then i spell it out -- h as in hat, etc.)"

"hannah choong??"

"yes, that's right. hannah choong."

or:

"i gave you another number to call."

"nobody at that number was able to help me."

"no, that's not possible. they're supposed to help you."

"but they couldn't help me."

"why??"

and the best one yet:

"what's your reservation number?"

"XXXXXX"

"hm. where did you buy this ticket? in south africa?"

"no, i bought it in the united states. i bought it online."

"where?"

"on the internet. online."

"online??"

haha, anyway, the south african airways mozambican rep finally made some changes. i checked online to see if everything was confirmed. sure enough, i had a flight for the 22nd of july. but i also had a flight leaving from joburg for the 17th and the 31st as well. there were no flights arranged for my flight from newark to san francisco. i called back again, and as the rep checked, apparently, all flights flying from newark to san francisco are booked until december 2009. no room.

my point is, if i ever had one,

june 24th entry -- really scratch that.
cuz i might not be coming home.

or i might be coming back on the 23rd of july.
or the 18th.
or the 1 of august.

a time for everything

2009-06-24T04:46:00.000-07:00

as of today, i have exactly 3 weeks until my departure from mozambique.

it's cliché and also a bit futile to say that time has flown by. but it really has. where did these past months go??

i don't consider myself the blatantly expressive type. the emotional type. the sappy type.

my mentality has always been,

que será, será. life goes on.

but i can feel it. the sadness that comes along with the impending sense of inevitable good bye's.

i remember writing on my college application essay many years ago: "i hate saying good byes because they always feel like betrayal." maybe (and probably) i'm more emotional than i consider myself to be, or maybe, even then, i was tired of having to make transitions all the time. my life, as a simple sum, has been that of a gypsy. my family moved all the time. never settling. always moving. moving for better or for worse. but that was life. and good byes were a part of life.

and so here it is.

it is time to say good bye.

it's not time to reflect upon my stay in africa yet.

...but what am i talking about?!
i still have 3 more weeks to go!

:)

two aussies in my posse

2009-05-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

haha. i promised myself to follow the upward trend and update at least once a week. failure.

in any case, there are lots of news to share since the last time i've written.

one bit of news:

i am currently living with two new housemates! surprise. haha. -_-

sal and robyn from hands hub in south africa have come to join me to stay in mozambique for at least 3 to 4 months. they're australian, but they've been living in south africa for 7 years now. they've been here in mozambique since the 8th of may, and it's been an interesting and fun few weeks so far. sal is helping out with starting the construction of the care centres in nhamatanda and amatongas. a lot of progress has already been made with the care centre in nhamatanda! robyn is helping out with more admin work here. but moreso, as one of the original leaders who found hands at work years ago, she's been working with carlos in casting the vision and directing the next steps in establishing the service centre and guiding other community-based organizations with their projects.

but besides their work with hands, sal and robyn have made many notable changes in this house, it's almost revolutionary. i couldn't believe what i saw when they first arrived. they drove up here from south africa with their car (a one-week journey visiting other places in mozambique), and as they unloaded their belongings from their car, all sorts of things rolled out: a tent, pots and pans, bedding, mattresses and sheets, boxes of food (that included a package of tofu), sal's tools and saws, etc. i mean, sal brought his own generator! "just in case electricity goes out," he said. (well, he uses it for construction when he goes out into the communities.)

they arrived on a friday, and i assumed that they would be resting up the following weekend from their one-week trip up here. but they were up and running saturday morning. sal was busy fixing up things in the house, oiling door and window hinges, inspecting the parameter of the house looking for cracks and crevices, etc.; robyn was busy cleaning the house, scrubbing the bathroom, rearranging everything in the kitchen, etc.

my lifestyle has also changed somewhat significantly.

i eat a lot more. and i eat a lot more of a variety of foods -- a lot of cheese (sal is originally from switzerland), a lot of vegetable dishes, a lot of sauces of different cultures.
i drink a lot more (no, not that kind of drinking.). i was never the tea-time abider in africa, but now i regularly find myself sipping on tea, coffee, or hot chocolate throughout the day, averaging about three cups a day.
i stay in my bedroom a lot more. i call it "my corner" -- my corner in regards to the location of my house on this farm and to the location of my bedroom in this house. most of the time, i just keep my door open and use my bedroom as my office and my bed as my workspace, whereas before, the dining area was my office and the dining table was my workspace.
i talk a lot more. obviously. now that i have people in the house to talk to. -_- i enjoy the lengthy and comprehensive conversations over dinner where we would talk about random things and not-so-random things -- the simplicity of life here, the decadence of life elsewhere... and the hippie life in australia, haha.
i find myself in strange and funny situations a lot more. mostly from interruptions in the "office" life that robyn and i have in the house: spending an entire afternoon cleaning out the kitchen cupboard that was full of weevils; finally fixing a printer, gloriously celebrating over it (cheap thrill, we say), and then realizing we were missing the usb cable connecting it to the computer; laughing over the peace offering nana brought over one day (robyn unintentionally mentioned to nana that her chickens woke her up one night. the next day, nana brought over a couple of her chickens' eggs as a "peace offering").

fun people + random stuff = funny life.

my guilty pleasure

2009-05-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

one of the many wonders of the world which i can never appreciate enough. whoever came up with this simple but brilliant idea -- major kudos to you.

hah.
what i would kill for a fresh glass of milk.

hunger, food, and food for thought

2009-04-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

everyday, someone knocks on my door with three simple words,

"i am hungry."

every year, there's a hunger season, but this past year's hunger season was particularly bad; missionaries who live here have been saying that it hasn't been this bad since the 1980s.

much of the reason for this stems from the fires that occurred this past september, fires which ravaged homes and crops, leaving many homeless and hungry. then the rain came late this past year; people bought seeds to grow maize in their mashambas (gardens) and planted them expecting rain to come in october, but it didn't. the seeds died, and the people had to buy seeds again. again, they planted them in a couple of weeks expecting rain to come, but it didn't. rain didn't come until mid-december (just a day after i arrived! which is december 16...). because people lost a lot of seed and didn't have money to purchase more, many weren't able to grow their crops. for the people who were able to, the late rain caused the maize to grow, but people were forced to reap them prematurely before they were even ripe. between october and april, people literally had nothing to eat. reports of deaths in nhamatanda (a community that hands is beginning to reach into) reached us, reports that read, "age 6. died of hunger."

family in front of their destroyed home after fire in september

(photo courtesy of dara and laura)

during this time, hundreds of people from neighboring villages came to maforga everyday asking for food. roy, a missionary who oversees maforga, was able to give out small portions of maize meal to these people. it wasn't since the 1980s that roy and maforga decided to do mass food distributions everyday. shigeida, the missionary community across maforga, also started to give out small portions of maize meal to hundreds of people. tens of people would knock on my door everyday for something to eat.

hundreds of people waiting for food in front of the maforga church building

(photo courtesy of jean aimee)

it was especially tough for rubatano. rubatano lost two of its major donors at the end of 2008, but funds ran dry way before then. even the funds for volunteer incentives, which were promised to the volunteers until the end of the year, ran dry in october. volunteers also struggled to survive. it was heartbreaking to see rubatano's volunteers also waiting in line to receive small portions of mealie meal. we had nothing to give even to our own when the crisis was more real than ever.

witnessing this, dara wrote a letter to family/friends and churches back in the states, one of which included wellspring church. in response to that letter, wellspring fundraised for this crisis, and the response was incredible. in only a couple of months, thousands of dollars were raised for relief, and the donations were wired to hands hub in south africa. after a few challenges with transferring these funds from south africa to mozambique, the support finally arrived in march, right before we headed off to conference in south africa. we were able to give out small food parcels to everyone in rubatano's program -- children, patients, and volunteers -- about a total of 700 households in three communities. every household received one monthly package of maize meal, beans, and oil for two months (march and april).

thank you, wellspring!

thank you, God.

photos from april food distibution in nhembia.

when looking back, i have so much to say. there were and still are so many questions, most of which pertain to the how's and why's. "how is it that an entire country can be suffering so much at once?" "why, God?"

other questions, i found even more personally difficult to digest. people were constantly knocking on my door asking for food, money, clothes. many approached me in a way that did not invite much sympathy, and i found myself easily frustrated by the hunger, by the people.

"why is it so hard for me to love?" "why is it so hard for me to give?"

i still don't know the answer to many of these questions, and i have yet to grow and understand many things. but at the end, i can only say one thing.

God is good, all the time.

especially after seeing the response from the church, i realize more and more that even at times such as these, or rather, especially at times such as these, we are truly together. and we are in this together. when one part of the family is hurting, another part responds and helps, whether or not that family member is thousands of miles away. at a time and place where we thought we were in the desert and felt that God was far away, God was closer to us than ever. He gave us an opportunity to draw nearer to each other and draw nearer to Him. He provided for us abundantly, and He showed us once again that He is God, and He is God of mozambique.

some of the volunteers in nhembia.
starting from top left, clockwise: lazaro, adao, katarina, marcelino.

please remember us in your prayers.

please continue to pray for carlos.

please continue to pray for our volunteers. they are the hands and feet that visit the homes of the children and the sick. even during the hunger season, even when hands announced last year that there would be no more monthly monetary incentives, all of our volunteers wholeheartedly stayed. we are currently trying to implement new ways, new IGAs (income-generating activities), to care for our volunteers. please pray for wisdom, that we would trust and obey God's guidance.

please continue to pray for the children and the sick.

please continue to pray that God would stir up more hearts in the local and international Church, to care for its own body, to care for its own family.

please continue to pray for mozambique.

night

2009-04-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

this past tuesday night has got to be the freakiest and funniest night in mozambique as of yet.

i live by myself in a quaint and cozy two-bedroom house located in a farm community called maforga. though at times i wish i had company in the house, i've never really felt "by myself"; many visitors visit, and the farm accommodates missionary families and other young volunteers with whom i frequently fellowship. and with the exception of bug situations, i've never really felt scared staying in the house "by myself," either.

that is, until this past tuesday.

it was cloudy and had been raining on and off the entire day. power was also extremely unstable; lights in the house would flicker and suddenly go off every hour or so. i was in my room on my computer at around 8 o' clock at night when i start hearing strange noises outside of my bedroom window. not really audible, but occasional deep whispers. i choose to ignore it. winds were howling, leaves on the trees were rustling, owls were hooting. sounds of nature, sure. i was able to brush off the noise for a good hour or so until at one point, i actually hear an audible voice. not too loud -- a deep murmer in some other language -- but clearly human. then i hear footsteps on my porch just outside my window!

my mind starts to race and my heart starts to pound. it's 9pm at night; by this time, most africans are asleep. the voice sounds like that of a woman -- a deep and husky female voice. what was a woman doing outside on my front porch? if this person were male, i would've assumed him to be a security guard resting on my porch from the rain. it seemed too late to call my 80-year-old-next-door neighbor. my imagination runs wild and takes into account every possibility -- the real, the unreal, and mostly, the absurd. the first thing that actually came to mind was -- is it a witch doctor?? or a witch doctor's assistant?? i've heard stories of witch doctors stealing babies at night, using babies' body parts in their practice. what if this time, this witch doctor needs not a baby, but the body parts of a mazungu (white person)??

the power/electricity situation was making it worse. on and off. off and on. doors were creaking, and whenever the power went out, i was half-expecting somebody to jump out from the dark through my closed bedroom door. absurd and quite ridiculous, i know, now that i think about it. well, even while i was thinking it, i knew it was ridiculous.

but my fear was quite real. i tried to calm myself down from this idea, as the voice actually died down. 'maybe she left,' i thought. i continue to write e-mails on my computer, more intentionally and more furiously than ever, trying to avoid any sort of confrontation or encounter with this mysterious being lingering outside my bedroom window. but after another hour, i hear her voice and footsteps again! dilemma.

maybe it was out of unconscious courage that i spoke up. or maybe it was out of unconscious (or rather, uncontainable) fear that i spoke up. but i found my mouth suddenly blurting out, "who's out there!"

nothing.

"who is it? hello??" still, no answer. "hello???" i don't even dare to get up from my bed to peak outside my window to see who it is. i try calling out in portuguese. nothing. nothing but silence and nature.

after a few moments, though, i finally hear a groaning/mumbling in some language that doesn't sound like portuguese or even shona. i hear her mumbling and walking closer to the opening of my window. even at this point, though, i'm too scared to draw the curtains to see who it is. she says something indistinct, deep, and slurred, and i can't understand her. through the closed curtains, i try asking her in portuguese what her name is and what she's doing outside my house at this hour. she just mumbles something. i finally draw the curtains. it's a woman all right. i don't recognize her, and she doesn't look at me in the eye when speaking. i ask her these questions again, but she continues to mumble something, and i have no idea what she's saying. she doesn't look harmful. in fact, she looks scared, helpless and confused. so i walk outside of my room, and open the house door. her belongings are outside -- a jacket, a blanket, a plate, and a cup. i wonder if she's from one of the neighboring villages needing a place to stay. she continues to mumble something, but she doesn't look at me in the eye. she's blind.

it finally registers. i've heard of a blind lady who lives in maforga. i've never seen her until now. i call carlos to ask for some help, and he just chuckles, "oh. it must be maria. just take her to the security guards, and they'll take her home."

there are lot of details in between, but to make a long story short, the security guards and i ended up going on an hour-and-a-half-long search for maria around maforga in the middle of the night because... i ended up losing maria on the way. -_- how i lost a blind lady while walking together down the road, i do not know.

anyway, it was pitch-black, misty, cold, and raining, and this adventure was, at some points pretty frustrating, but i think i actually had a lot of fun. the only time i really got startled was when a security guard popped out of the dark while another guard and i were walking down the road. i jumped up and screamed, but we all just ended up laughing, the guards with their ak-47s in their arms, and me, with a dinky flashlight in my hand.

we finally found maria, lying in a ditch on the side of the road that leads away from maforga. i later discovered that maria is also sick and mentally ill.

that explains a lot. -_-

after this little emprise, i came back home wet and stinky.

but most of all, thoroughly amused.

haha.
only in africa.

moon and purple sky on one of the brighter mozambican nights.

care package

2009-04-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

a very late update yet again................

rubatano and hands at work in mozambique have been hosting many visitors this year, especially since february: a group of hands staff from south africa, potential supporters/donors from canada, jean aimee from the states, levy from south africa, and pastor davies from malawi, etc.

after conference at the end of march, though, i had the opportunity to host a group of visitors from home! ki won, my good friend from college, and alfredo, his friend from med school, spent their spring break on a missions trip with hands, visiting me and some of the projects that hands supports. not exactly from home/home, but like seeing lauren from wellspring at conference -- a sweet taste of home. live care packages!

it was surreal, though, in both instances; two worlds -- my african world and american world -- colliding.

paul (australia), pastor farai (zimbabwe), ki won and alfredo (states)

the two of them only stayed in africa for about 10 days, but we were able to cram in a lot of activities: community stay in masoyi, south africa (+kruger park); gondola hospital visit, baby clinic visit, and home-based care in mozambique; home-based care and worship service/playtime with orphans in zimbabwe. paul, a representative from hands australia, also joined us on our travels, and by God's grace, we didn't face any major challenges and enjoyed our time as we experienced a glimpse of God's heart for His people.

most of the photos above are those from honde valley, zimbabwe, where pastor farai hosted us for 2 days.

this was my second time visiting honde valley and the communities that pastor farai serves. one word immediately comes to mind whenever i think of this place: beautiful. the valley is beautiful. the people are beautiful. God, you are beautiful.

photos from my first visit to honde valley.

landscape of the valley.
can you see the two waterfalls on the left? one of them is supposed to be the tallest waterfall in africa.

africa and international conference

2009-04-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

update overload! these updates are long overdue; please excuse and forgive :)

i'm back in mozambique, somewhat settled down from the visitor craze since february and conference craze since mid-march.

most of the following photos are from international conference. they're not that comprehensive in terms of chronicling key events. moreover, the last few photos may be slightly biased and narcissistic in that... most of them capture me with people.

but for memory's sake. :*)

and i figured, this is my blog >B]

[3.17.09] waiting for our 6am bus, which arrived an hour late! we drove 15 hours south to maputo, spent a night in maputo, crossed the border into south africa the next morning, and arrived in nelspruit 3 hours later!

africa conference [3.19.09 - 3.26.09]

haha, major jump from the previous photo to this one. towards the end of the africa conference, hands family and african delegates enjoyed an afternoon with sports, namely soccer and volleyball. to my surprise, a lot of us were interested in playing volleyball over soccer. above: pastor floyd, a dangerously apt volleyball player with a killer serve. rallies between both sides of the net would last forever. i played, but was too intimidated to play.

julia and her daughter, maria :)

they (with the rest of their family) visited mozambique in december. they had planned to stay for a month or so in mozambique, but their trip was quickly shortened to 2 weeks. they both got malaria. -_-

prudence :)

pascoa and her third daughter, jessie! jessie looks exactly like her mom,

and tabitha exactly like her dad :)

voila -- the family (minus nyasha)!

international conference [3.26.09 - 3.29.09]

location: hannah lodge, happily situated in a game park about 2-3 hours from white river/nelspruit.

mornings were a real treat. crisp air and beautiful sunrises.

lauren on the look-out for giraffes! apparently, giraffes would come up to the dining area on the balcony, especially in the early mornings.

and conference begins.

with worship.

with prayer.

and (as pastor farai so articulately puts it, haha) continues with session after session!

quick break from session: game drive!

look at us,

glowing with excitement!

sad to say, though, we didn't see much. or, errr, correction. our group didn't see much, relative to the group that went the day before. our group saw black rhinos, tons of kudu, warthogs (so cute! they could easily be my favorite animal of the year), ostriches, and... aloe vera trees. -_- i just wanted to see a cat. one cat. is that too much to ask for?

but hey, beautiful scenery/landscape was well worth the drive

in this monster of a vehicle!

outdoor worship/praise and dinner afterwards! haha. oh, papa dave.

lauren! dannyboy!

alisha, me, emily, and jessie -- the last intake of "footprinters." miss you guys!

jessie! my previous partner-in-crime. now she might be going to nigeria! :*(

lovely liez! lize-marie theron. haha

time to say our good byes! liez with the zambians.

with erick (from the congo), innocent (from zimbabwe), and stuart (from zimbabwe).

lacey's good bye dinner at papa's after the conference!

we are together

2009-03-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

i'm back in south africa at hands hub, and it seriously feels like seeing close family and friends again.

so many things have changed during the three months i've been gone -- new faces, new office structure, new meetings -- but it's been good knowing that some things never change; we'll always be brothers and sisters.

"we are together" is this year's theme for conference. carlos says it all the time -- "estamos juntos." we've been ingraining this concept since the beginning of conference, but this morning was the first time i think i've really experienced it.

praise and worship.

for one second, i glanced back and looked at the people i was worshipping with.

representatives from nigeria. zambia. mozambique. swaziland. zimbabwe. south africa. the congo.

volunteers from canada. the states. the uk. australia. germany. holland.

it gives me chills whenever i think of this image or whenever i'm in large corporate worship settings, and i'm always reminded of one thing.

one day,

...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
- Philippians 2:10

road trip

2009-03-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

off to south africa for conference in about 6 hours!

carlos and family, jean aimee, pastor ferai from zimbabwe, levy, and i will be travelling down to maputo by bus. we'll be spending a night in maputo and complete our journey to nelspruit, south africa by another bus!

please pray for a safe journey!

(and an enjoyable one, too)

out of the miry clay

2009-03-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

after a week of being sick,

i'm better now!

almost 100%

:D

malaria occurs so frequently here that it's spoken of almost casually.

"lisa has malaria," "manuel has malaria."

still, it doesn't make the experience any less unpleasant.

i came home from home-based care last friday with a sudden massive headache. i went to sleep immediately, at around 1:30pm-2:00pm, and woke up at 8pm. -_- by then, i felt i had somewhat of a fever and felt unusually tired/fatigued. no vomiting. no diarrhea. 'ok. so i might have the flu. couldn't be malaria.' i went back to sleep after having talked to my nurse housemate about the symptoms for a while.

i woke up saturday morning with the same piercing headache and my body burning up. i still felt extremely tired, even after having slept for that long. my housemate needed to go into town, so i stayed at home in bed sleeping. at some point, i felt i really needed to get up and move around -- 'maybe i feel tired because i've been sleeping so much.' i saw dirty dishes in the sink. 'hey, i'll wash the dishes.' i walked into the kitchen, turned on the water (we have running water now!), and started scrubbing dishes. after two dishes, i felt too tired and found myself panting and went back into the dining area to sit down. after a couple of more attempts to finish washing the dishes, i just went back to sleep. ^^;

carlos actually came later that night and tested me for malaria (or the most common strain of malaria around here). negative. but we speculated the results might come out negative; the doxycycline i had been taking for malarial preventative medication may mask the results. carlos and my housemate agreed that i should take the medication for malarial treatment: 4 tablets of malarone for 3 days (which i had luckily saved!). i was somewhat skeptical; i'm not big on taking any medication in general. i decided to wait another night and see if the symptoms would die down. bad move. sudden chills.

nana, my 80-year-old next door neighbor, came over next morning to see how i was doing. she's a retired nurse who's been practicing in maforga for a very long time. she touched my face and immediately said, "you have malaria. you need to be on treatment. " "couldn't it be a flu?" i asked. "flu in mozambique = malaria." good point.

she took out the malarone i had beside my bed and handed over the tablets to see me take them down. "after 12 hours, you'll feel better." and like clockwork, i did! i felt better enough to eat a banana, although.. i felt like throwing up the banana for the rest of the day -_-

come monday, i didn't feel as tired! come tuesday, i was sitting up/walking around!

wow.

i probably had one of the milder forms of malaria. i probably had one of the shortest spells of malaria.

still, i wouldn't want to go through it again.

i guess it just.

comes with the package.

t.i.a.

sorry for all the worries i've caused.
and thanks for all of your prayers!

zimmmm! (days 1 and 2)

2009-02-25T07:58:00.000-08:00

zimbabwe.

the first word that came out of my mouth as we crossed the border:

beautiful.

zimbabwe is a beautiful country. it almost reminds me of switzerland. well, what i imagine switzerland to be like. villages and towns are surrounded by vast mountain ranges overlooking valleys of green.

zimbabwe is also completely different from mozambique. most people know how to speak english and know how to speak it well. in the past, zimbabwe boasted of its high standards in education compared to those in other african countries. villages, houses, and roads are also very structured; rows of identical living compartments are ordered as "court 1," "court 2," etc. in the past, people in mozambique who had severe illnesses or injuries would cross the border into zimbabwe to receive medical help.

all that has changed. zimbabwe now faces economic and political disaster. inflation has done so much damage to the currency that zimbabwean dollars are worthless. the most recent bill printed out was marked "one trillion zimbabwean dollars." you can't even buy a mango with that. only south african rands and us dollars are accepted as valid form of currency. "forex" -- they call it. schools are closing down everywhere, and children are seen loitering in the streets or are stuck in an even sadder case -- they're in their uniforms walking from town to town in search of a school that would accept them. teachers are getting paid, but in zimbabwean dollars, so teachers are quitting. those who stay demand that parents pay hundreds of dollars for a term's tuition; might as well make it a million. hospitals are also closing down everywhere even though cholera is spreading. the government has also stopped giving out arv's for new cases of patients with hiv. people are crossing the border into mozambique because there is no food in zimbabwe. people are starving. people are dying.

it is so hard to imagine that such a beautiful place can have so many problems underneath.

i had a chance to briefly visit a few places in zim with a group of visitors from hands hub in south africa who came to see the projects in mozambique and those starting up in zim.

day 1 [2.15.09] : good bye, mozambique!

sal.

herman and marc, the troublemakers of our party.

kept on pulling pranks!

day 2 [2.16.09]: home-based care in mutare

carlos.

julia greeted by school girls.

this vovo (granny). she is blind but takes care of 8-10 children in her home (some shown two photos down); most of them are children of neighbors who passed away. everyday, the kids go out to beg for food or money. while begging, one of them got bitten by a dog and has an infection that is being left untreated.

waiting.

daughter and mother.

emily, one of the hands staff, showed us around her childhood home in zimbabwe.

home-based care volunteers in mutare.

billion zimbabwean dollar bills found in the trash.

money, money, money.

"we had to carry bags of billion dollar bills to buy one piece of bread!"

we all came back trillionaires!

overlooking our "catchment" area.

this guy. i thought he was a security guard, but as emily talked to him, we discovered he just came up to the hills to get some fresh air, to get away from all the troubles down there. as emily simply put it --"to get away from staring at the four corners of his wall."

denial

2009-02-13T05:13:00.000-08:00

last friday was my first experience in encountering something so real but so…

sad.

tuesdays and fridays, i go on home-based care in a community called nhembia. the people in this community live relatively far from each other and grow their own maize on their mashambas (gardens). if they don’t have a bicycle or money to catch a shapa (local taxi), people must walk tens of kilometers to visit a market to obtain anything else.

a home-based care visit in nhembia with a volunteer named marcelino led us to the home of a thin and gaunt middle-aged lady. she greeted us, bringing us a mat for us to sit down on. she talked a little, but didn’t say much; it was apparent that she was very sick. every word was interrupted by what seemed like a chronic cough.

“is she positive?” i asked.

we don’t know, marcelino said. she didn’t get tested.

“did you go to the hospital?” marcelino asked her.

no, she said. no money for transport. a ride to the hospital costs 12 meticais. less than 50 cents.

i wanted to give her something, but realized i didn’t have the change on me. we decided to take her to the hospital after marcelino and i finished our visits to the other homes.

in the afternoon, we drove her to the hospital in gondola, another community that is somewhat more developed. she was immediately tested for hiv. positive. the doctor also conjectured that her cough was most likely tuberculosis – not surprising seeing that she was hiv-positive.

the doctor was about to give her arv’s and the protocol to test for tuberculosis until the lady told marcelino and the doctor that she will not take arv’s.

there was no way that she could be positive. her husband didn’t die of hiv/aids. how could she have hiv? she refused to take the medication even though the results clearly showed that she was positive, even though the medication was free.

we sat her down and told her that her cough won’t heal properly if she doesn’t take the hiv medication. we told her she would remain sick and eventually die of illness caused by aids. we told her we can’t help her if she doesn’t try to help herself. nothing worked. she wouldn’t listen. she went home only with the tuberculosis-testing kit.

‘so, are you just going to… die?’ i couldn’t help thinking to myself.

another patient died the same way, marcelino said. marcelino had been visiting this patient regularly, but he passed away last tuesday. i remembered i had also seen this patient a couple of times; i had driven him to the hospital once only a couple of weeks before. he’s dead.

coming back from this trip, i couldn’t help but feel a little saddened, helpless, and confused. what can we do to make her understand that she will die quickly and painfully if she doesn’t take this medication? what can we do to change her mind?

as these thoughts rushed through my mind, another volunteer simply said,

“it’s just like the gospel.”

we can try to prove and persuade that this gospel we hold is truth, but at the end, it is up to the people to decide to believe it or not.

"...Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive. Make their heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed."
-Isaiah 6:9-10

doom

2009-01-19T03:51:00.000-08:00

is my best friend.

i hate bugs.

did i ever tell you that?

you would think that i would get more tolerant after being exposed to giant spiders, scorpions, and a bajillion gazillion of others, but i think i'm getting even more creeped out. i have a feeling i'll come back to the states even more bug-phobic.

a lot of my meals are comprised of fruit -- mangoes, pineapples, bananas, etc. i have this irrational fear that when i bite into a slice of pineapple, i'll somehow get worms. and today, as i opened my organic waste bin to throw away the pineapple waste, underneath the lid, i noticed long white spots covering the black background of the lid: WORMS!! MAGGOTS!!

seriously, gag reflex.

but other than these rather frequent gag reflexes -- which i would be able to handle --

i realize this phobia is seriously debilitating:

a couple of days after dara and laura left, i was washing dishes at around 10 at night when i see something scurrying down the side of the wall. at first, i thought i was imagining things, but as i turned my head completely towards the wall, this giant, round, tan-colored bug literally the size of my hand falls from the countertop to the floor. i screamed, ran out of the kitchen into my bedroom closing all the doors behind me, and immediately went to sleep with my mosquito net well tucked in. i finished washing the dishes the next afternoon.

ever since i discovered the reason behind the wrinkle-free clothing people wear around here, i'm scared of wearing any clothes that hasn't been thoroughly ironed. apparently, flies lay their eggs on wet clothes while being dried outside. if the clothes aren't ironed or heated in any other way, the eggs can burrow and incubate under your skin upon wearing the dried clothes. i went to the supermarket to buy an iron "for personal use," but i realized that i can't use it with the generator.

sorry this entry contains some graphic and unnecessary detail, but alas, i had to vent. or... gag it out to someone, as africans... don't quite understand this fear:

last night, i was cooking pasta for a group of girls on the mission. i opened a brand new package of pasta noodles, and as i poured them into a pot of boiling water, i noticed black spots floating in the water with the pasta. my first thought was, "huh, i didn't know this pasta came with herb seasoning. bravo, mozambique." but as i processed this nonsensical thought in my head, i looked closer into the pot, and the black spots had legs on them. i looked back at my half-poured-out pasta package, and in it, there were black critters crawling all over -- in, through, out the dry noodles.

i quickly threw the package on the kitchen countertop, stared incredulously at it, and stood there for a few minutes thinking, "how did they get in there?" "isn't this a brand new bag of pasta??" "this is ridiculous! gross."

but one girl who came into the kitchen to see what i was doing looked at the package and said in a matter-of-fact tone, "just put the macaroni (they call pasta macaroni) into a big dry bowl, and they will come out. then you'll be able to eat the macaroni."

true, i say.

half of me was feeling ashamed to be still wanting to throw away the entire package of pasta, but the other -- and more convincing -- half was wanting to throw away the entire package of pasta anyway.

"you realize you're going to africa," i hear my sister chanting in my ear.

"you're not supposed to fear anything; only God," i hear my friend reading me a verse from Scripture.

while i would normally instinctively roll my eyes and mutter to myself -- "like i don't know" -- at such comments as the above, today, as i was reading a book borrowed from a neighbor, i stumbled upon something that was really...

convicting.

"Some love to munch on food; so they spend lots of money on snacks. Others like to adorn themselves at all times. And there are some who are so hygiencially minded that they are continually obsessed with a sense of danger. What is all this? It is loving of one's own life. Many love their own life so much that they cannot bear the slightest suffering or to come too near the sick. To put it quite frankly, they are under bondage to their body. Yet Paul said this: 'I buffet my body, and lead it captive!' (1 Cor. 9:27) If we allow our body to dominate us, that is sin. Our body should be under us, not above us. Many sacrifice morning prayer because they want to sleep. Many sacrifice the time for reading the Bible because they want to eat. Many cannot serve God because they covet snacks and indulge in adornment. Lack of control over these areas of the body is sinful... "

so true! WHY do i even feel compelled to write an entire entry on BUGS. or more accurately, my Fear and Disgust of bugs.

"...Hence if we succeed in controlling sin, we merely suppress it for a time; or if we fail to suppress it, we consider sinning to be unavoidable and plunge into despair and a wringing of our hands..."

exactly! i say spiders and scorpions are enough.

"Yet I need to ask you in the presence of the God whom I serve: When our Lord Jesus went to the cross on our behalf, did He have in view for our future the kind of experience we too often go through today? As He was being crucified, did He envision our current living as that which would be success in the morning but failure in the afternoon? Is the work He has fully accomplished on the cross not enough to enable us to serve Him in holiness and righteousness? Did the Lord shed His blood on the cross because He only saw the penalty of hell without seeing as well the pain of sinning? Does the blood He shed on the cross only save us from the sufferings of the future but leave the sufferings of today for us to bear? Oh! At this point I cannot help but shout, Hallelujah! for our Lord has accomplished all at Calvary! While He was on the cross, He thought not only of the penalty of hell but also the pain of sin. He foresaw the sufferings due to the power of sin as well as those due to its penalty. He has a salvation which enables us to live on earth as He once lived earth. In other words, Christ's work of redemption has not only prepared a position and ground for us to be saved but also provided a position and ground for us to be saved to the uttermost. We are well able hereafter to live differently from the manner that we now live. Let us say Hallelujah, because today there is a gospel of glad tidings for saints as well as for sinners." -- Watchmen Nee, in The Life That Wins

this needs to stop.

me, i mean.

shega.

land of mangoes and flying ants

2009-01-11T10:02:00.001-08:00

oh my.

i think i've been experiencing internet withdrawal symptoms these past few days:

heavy breathing, jittery fingers, and constant anxiety for the next fix.

haha, jk, except for the anxiety :p

the transformer on the missions ground broke last week = no electricity, no running water, no refrigerator, no refrigerable food items, limited internet access, etc. apparently, fixing or replacing the transformer is too expensive, so after a week of experiencing all of the above, our house finally got hooked up to a generator! still no running water, but...

i can see in the dark!! i can read at night!!

And i can charge my computer and phone! which means, i now have access to internet again!

hah. it feels good to be connected with the rest of the world again :)

but enough talk about this electric outage mumbo jumbo.

it's been so long since i've last updated, i feel i can't catch up on any point that's occurred/i've experienced these past few weeks.

but i'll try.

people:

1. carlos = rubatano project coordinator/hands at work service center coordinator. aka my "boss." he's probably one of the most eccentric people i've ever met and probably one of the most sincere, caring people, too. he and his family have been so welcoming.

2. maforga missions family = the people with whom i'm staying. they've also been extremely welcoming. there are so many people here with incredible testimonies.

3. home-based care volunteers = local volunteers who visit homes of the sick and orphaned in the communities. amazing. that is all.

4. dara and laura = fellow footprinters/nurses. they've been so helpful since my arrival in maforga. i think i've actually grown too dependent on them and their "big sister"-type figures -- i don't know how i'll fare with their absence. they're leaving... tomorrow morning!

notable experiences:

1. christmas eve dinner at church. the photo on my christmas entry makes the dinner look extremely peaceful. that night was quite chaotic, actually :P

2. christmas day. a group of us visited a local prison on christmas day, and i don't know what it was -- this visit completely changed my perpective about christmas.. or what the rest of the world made it to be.

3. home-based care in maforga/nhembia and gondola. we need to pray.

4. volunteer day. i love the volunteers here :')

general lifestyle:

1. getting Darker. taking doxycycline doesn't help.

2. getting Heavier. i've been eating a lot of MANGOES! :D they're everywhere! under trees fallen and left uneaten, in tubs on the side of the road sold for a couple of cents per bucket, in the kitchen of every house we visit. whole mango, mango fruit salad, mango juice, slices of dried mango, mango mango mango. mmmm.

3. getting Sick. one bad spell of food poisoning. i suddenly woke up one night and started throwing up/having the big D for the rest of the night. that day, we celebrated a special occasion by going out to eat pizza -- my favorite food -- and i ate a Lot. it's actually funny when i think about it now -- cause of sickness: food poisoning or food gorging? i haven't experienced anything too drastic, though: no malaria (yet), no car accident, etc. so i'm still relatively healthy :)

and people have been asking:

4. getting more Tolerant? of bugs?

(^ flying ants flying during christmas eve dinner presentation)

Never.

feliz natal!

2008-12-25T15:04:00.000-08:00

dear friends and family,

2008-12-20T10:16:00.003-08:00

sorry for the delay in my updates, but after over 3 months of training in south africa, i’m finally in mozambique!

flying through fields of cotton candy. 'twas beautiful.

finally arrived! beira airport.

beautiful view from the seafood restaurant along the coast.

driving westward towards chimoio.

if you haven't noticed yet, i love the sky :)

although i’ve heard much and seen much of the people, projects, and surroundings through pictures and stories, mozambique is definitely not what i had expected it to be. i was imagining a more lush, tropical-forest type of environment, but this place has generally been… flat and brown (?). maybe it’s because of all the mud and rain. the rainy season has just begun a few days ago, actually. it was supposed to have begun over two months ago, so this delay has caused a drought and famine in this place. people are literally starving.

the poverty is so blatantly visible here, much more so than in south africa. driving along the main road, you can see run-down huts made of mud and tree branches, children with tattered clothing and no shoes walking miles at end, people physically struggling to ride their bicycles as they're hauling loads of home-made coal to sell in town all for $3.

it has been less than one week, but there is already so much to say.

but all in all,

it is good to be here :)

thank you for all who’ve been supporting and praying for me. these past three months have been the longest but shortest three months in my life as of yet, and every moment has been amazing. the stresses of “the airport incident” are still fresh in my mind, and i thought i could never redeem myself from it (hehe). but that’s what’s so amazing about it all: it’s not about me or what i do, because at the end, God’s grace is enough, and it’s more than enough to get me through.

more than anything, though, these past three months have been such a time of peace. people here have been saying that God meets people in africa like no other place; i didn't really understand what they meant, but i think it's somewhat true. and it's not necessarily because of what i've been physically seeing or experiencing. the words in Scripture have never been so clear in my life; they're alive, and they're truth, and i think i've only begun to understand that.

so thank you,

for sharing this experience with me.

:)

Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.
-Psalm 66:5

silly thieves

2008-12-11T05:46:00.000-08:00

last night, hands village got broken into. none of us noticed until we entered the bathroom and kitchen and realized the following items were missing:

- 2 bottles of 2l coke
- all of the frozen and refrigerated packages of meat (they didn't take my box of frozen fish patties. what's wrong with my fish patties?)
- microwave
- bathroom towels
- lacey's board shorts she left hanging in the bathroom
- darryl's underwear he left hanging on the laundry line

most of the other kitchen appliances were still in the kitchen, and none of the rooms got broken into.

meat and coke. and a microwave. and underwear.

picky thieves.

silly thieves.

vamanos!

2008-12-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

leaving for mozambique in less than 10 days!

December 15, 2008

Depart Nelspruit 07:40am
Arrive at Johannesburg 08:35am

Depart Johannesburg 11:00am
Arrive at Beira 12:40pm

the silliness, the randomness, and the pecularities of it all

2008-11-30T05:38:00.000-08:00

having almost reached my three-month mark in south africa, i've been noticing interesting things and assimilating/developing new habits and mannerisms into my lifestyle.

- i love the names of some people here: Confidence, Pretty, Precious, Sunnyboy, Forgiven, Given, Mine, Enough.

- just as we have american slang and habitual speech that are idiomatic of the states, afrikaaner english is distinct. many north americans, including me, find it peculiar and amusing :p

"just now" = anytime in the near or distant future
e.g. "we're going to the store just now" may mean 2-3 hours later... or tomorrow.
"now now" = now
e.g. "we're going to the store now now" means Now.
"how is it?" = hey! or what's up? (a rhetorical question)
i.e. "how is it?" elicits no response.
"is it?" = really?
e.g. "there's a monkey in my bathroom." "is it?"
"hectic" = intense
e.g. "that wasabi is hectic."
"what what what" = etcetera
e.g. "as he goes out to meet people, fill out forms,and what what what..."

- except for the occasional phone conversations i have with my parents and the random words i spontaneously blurt out to myself, i haven't spoken korean since i've arrived. but i feel my spoken and perhaps written english are getting worse. it may be the afrikaaner english throwing me off or the portuguese i'm currently learning, but english grammar and phrase structure that seemed almost innate to me are not so obvious anymore. gerunds, past participles, contractions, appositives, comma splices -- should've payed more attention in class.

- i've developed an addiction for... chocolate milk! not coffee, not tea, not hot chocolate; chocolate milk. 3.5 teaspoons of nesquick chocolate powder + mug of cold 2% fat milk = perfect.

- i'm learning how to cut my own hair. trimming bangs = no problem.

shell shock

2008-11-19T05:53:00.000-08:00

i entered a meeting with george and carly yesterday believing it to be simply a "catch-up/how-are-you-doing" meeting. but as george spoke his first words, it occurred to me that things were going to change again.

"i'm just going to lay it on the table."

'lay What on the table??'

and sure enough!

i'm still going to mozambique.

just..

without jessie.

i'll also be leaving sooner than expected!

there's a german family here that is planning to visit mozambique for about a month; they are leaving early december. i'll be leaving for mozambique with them, and so it looks like i only have 2.5 - 3 weeks left in south africa!! o_o

as for jessie..

it's been a process for her. she'll be staying in south africa, but there is a possibility for her to join me in mozambique next year.

and so it's a bit sad and scary at the same time. after the meeting, jessie and i were saying, "it's funny when you're with someone else to share all the cultural embarrassing situations with you, but it's scary when you're alone." of course, i'll be staying in a type of commune where there's plenty of people to meet and interact with, but i guess it's just not the same.

i'll be living with the current moz footprinters -- laura and dara -- until mid-ish january. this will be a kind of testing period on how well i manage and adjust. if i'm completely fine, i can stay in mozambique until july. if things are too overwhelming, i have the choice to return to south africa. if i do decide to stay, there'll be a period of 4-6 weeks living in the house by myself after dara and laura leave. then i'll be spending the next 4-6 weeks with the mozambique country rep (also a nurse) from south africa. we'll be going to the international conference together in march to see where i'm at and if everything's ok.

haa. so much to do now since time is running out!

the entire situation is a bit daunting,

but as much as i am scared,

i feel good about the decision :)

the right decision is never an easy one.

No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.
- Romans 4:20-21

children, children

2008-11-14T01:33:00.000-08:00

don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know how to entertain them, don't know how to interact with them, don't know how to gently chide them, don't know how to keep them under control.

doesn't help that we don't speak the same language either.

haa, kind of stressful :p

but hey, how can you not love 'em?

threatening? dancing? :D

magnolia! the baby of babies :)

nap time at k2.

too cute.

the cutest.

children in transit.

princess and magnolia.

he has the saddest eyes.

magnolia and friend walking back home.

daycare center in bushbuckridge.

playing another game after my failed attempt to explain and initiate duck-duck goose :p

all the kids brought out their "animals" to show marj.

and this is what they did with their stuffed animals,

copying the mothers and gogos (grandmothers) here. too cute!

all eyes and smiles.

i love this :)

all photos, photo courtesy of steph and marj

relay with chariots

2008-11-05T03:25:00.000-08:00

i went to sleep last night knowing that something will have changed back at home by the time i woke up.

and sure enough,

barack obama...!

one of the US volunteers here casted her vote via an absentee ballot. i could've voted also, but i was torn between the two candidates that i decided not to. i'm still a little torn by the result, not knowing what to think of it. i'm just glad this race is over!

the beginning of bible study this morning involved a brief discussion of our feelings/opinions on the result, our personal stances on certain issues. it's funny how south africans on this campus found out sooner than the americans here, but it goes to show that the entire world was following this presidential election. it seems everyone, not only americans, is expecting something to come out of this election and the newly elected president, especially at times like these: a new direction, a new plan, a new image for the nation that seems to impact so many others. "he has a lot of work to do. i wouldn't want to be in his shoes," someone said.

but really,

as much as we should care about the president's character, his policies on issues, and how these things will impact us and how we live,

all it really comes down to is,

God's will will be done

no matter whose hands the baton gets pass onto.

i am not a democrat or a republican;

i am a Christian.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
- Psalm 20:7

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.
- Hebrews 12:28-29

the challenge

2008-10-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

with almost two months into the year, i can almost call this place home.

two of the four footprint volunteers -- alisha and emily -- have already left for zambia last week. although it's been such a short period of time getting to know them, i think i've grown quite attached to them. i miss them.

in preparation for mozambique, jessie and i've been assigned to participate/observe/learn a lot what might be called new skills. a lot of what we'll be doing in mozambique will be related to communications, especially that with the donors. and so we're learning how to write project proposals and reports. despite my overall excitement about the projects in mozambique, i can't help but feel a little uneasy about this assignment. not only am i inexperienced in this field, but i was just not expecting to be doing the things that i will be doing.

i guess i was supposed to expect that, though, ey?

ironically enough :)

this past monday and tuesday, i had the opportunity to follow the south african country representative to mbonisweni, another local community in this area. the two days comprised of training sessions for the home-based care volunteers in the area. hands at work has recently partnered with this community, and so the structural framework of how to support this community is still in the process of being established.

in addition to giving practical guidelines and strategies when going out to do home-based care, the training sessions also incorporated time for discussion on the challenges that the volunteers are currently facing. and it seems one of the most difficult challenge to tackle is one that pervades not only mbonisweni or masoyi, but probably all of the local communities that hands at work supports:

care for the caregivers.

it's actually an extremely foreign idea. when you think of a volunteer in the most north-american, westernized sense, you probably imagine a volunteer who already has a regular- and relatively well-paying job taking out a couple of hours a week to provide his services to the local community. he is in the position to give because he probably has something to give.

that is rarely the case in this country or anywhere else in africa for that matter.

volunteers here are poor. they are the poor helping out the poorest. most volunteers do not have regular jobs. this is what they do; caring for the orphaned, widowed, and dying is what they do because nobody else in the community will. many volunteers have said that they have taken food from their own house and paid for transportation from their own pockets in order to provide food on the plates of their neighbors, in order to take their sick neighbors to the local clinics. it's not an altruistic way of saying things nor is it a conscious way to invite sympathy from others because it's a real issue.

hands has tried to address this issue by providing volunteers with income-generating activities or sustainable items such as gardens or chicken coops with chicken. in most cases, though, especially in south africa, hands has been meeting volunteers' needs with small monthly incentives. although the monetary incentives are very small (and i mean extremely small), hands has been trying to steer away from that direction because of the obvious issues that come into play.

victoria, who is essentially mbonisweni hbc's leader/coordinator, mentioned that once word spreads out that monetary incentives are being given out, people actually come and knock on her door saying that he/she wants to be involved in this work. clearly, the motivation and heart for the work may not be there. when incentives are given out, the volunteers and hbc system may also become too dependent on their financial donors. donors can easily draw out their support from the communities. the impact of that would be even greater if the donor happened to be a large funder of the community. what then? furthermore, how would hands communicate with the donors on how the money is being spent? we currently have a donor for mbonisweni, but it isn't quite clear how the money should be spent. donors often have their own agenda on how distribute the money, and they may not understand why monetary incentives are being given out to those who they think of as volunteers.

money always makes things sticky.

it's a little tricky when trying to think of how one should write project proposals for donors, especially if the money is going to be spent on operational costs, not on physical building or item costs.

where do we start, and how can i help in this process?

***
on the other side of things,

i've just heard that the projects in mozambique will have no financial donors after december of this year.

zero.

with the hands' expansion plan for mozambique, i wonder what's going to happen, how things are going to happen.

i wonder what's going through carlos' mind.

anxiety? fear? doubt?

as much as it is a reality, i was so encouraged to hear from others of carlos' vision and attitude.

God is holding my right hand. I just keep on moving forward.

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
- Psalm 121:2

zooming in

2008-10-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

after climbing legogote, i thought i might give you a better picture of where everything's located when i speak of nelspruit, asm, hands village, or masoyi.

to start off, this is south africa.

330 km east of johannesburg (~3-hour drive) is nelspruit, the capital of mpumalanga province. asm is located near white river which is just north of nelspruit.

this is a panoramic view from legogote. on the left, you can see the general area of asm and hands village, while on the right, you can see the masoyi community.

taking a closer look, there's hands and asm.

closer still, you can see that asm, hands, and acts clinic are all in the vicinity of each other. westmont is the cottage at asm in which my housemates and i lived during my first month's stay in south africa. now i'm living up at the dorms at hands across the road.

tour of hands village (still under construction) and asm:

above is the building where the main lounge, kitchen, and dining area are located. to its right and left are the dormitories accommodating long-term and short-term volunteers.

this is one of the two hallways leading to dorm rooms.

the room i share with alisha right now. i'll be moving again next week! (into another room with another roommate.)

the path leading out of hands village.

the road down to asm which is located on the left in the above photo.

beautiful trees on the way :)

entrance to asm. he wanted his photo taken :)

as you can see, acts clinic is right across the main gate of asm.

the building where offices are located. payphones are found at the balcony above the offices with which people can make international phone calls.

a closer look.

inside view of one of the offices. this is the only place where i can use the internet. internet access is becoming more difficult as it isn't allowed to walk across alone on the road at night from hands to asm.

soccer field below the hill where the offices are located. soccer games are held every sunday. you can see mount legogote behind.

swimming pool which is utilized by many on hot days.

path leading away from the soccer field towards westmont.

area where the girls and i lived and where lynn and jamye (missionaries from canada) currently live.

westmont cottage!

random tractor and hand-made concrete table outside the cottage. george was telling us how he had to roll the round concrete table top down the hill.

random flower that was growing outside the cottage. all the girls were fascinated by it; we wondered if it was real.

clothes being dried behind the cottage.

entrance to the cottage.

view inside. to your right is the kitchen; to the left through the door would be my room (photos were taken just before moving out).

kitchen... and alisha's chocolate wheat crisps on the counter :d

my room that i shared with emily. you can also see alisha and jessie's room through the door above the stairs.

view of my side of the room. you could often see monkeys outside the window climbing trees or munching on things.

another view walking out of the door.

walking across asm.

unfinished business

2008-10-15T02:12:00.000-07:00

this past saturday, a group of us from hands decided to climb mount legogote, a five-minute drive from asm. apparently, the last time a couple of people from hands decided to climb legogote, they ended up getting lost at night while trying to come back down. a rescue team (i.e. two guys from petra college which is located on mount legogote) had to come fetch them after five hours of the groups' meandering.

and so, this trip was, in a way, for some to redeem themselves from the previous hike -- "taking care of unfinished business," as one put it.

the view from the summit was beautiful, but the journey there was excruciatingly intense. it wasn't a simple hike as i imagined it to be -- lot of sunscreen-applying, a lot of rock-climbing, a lot of huffing and puffing. while i'm glad i finally got to climb legogote, i would have second thoughts if asked to climb it again ;)

walking up the trail in legogote.

there were a lot of thorny bushes along the way.

lize-marie, our exemplary afrikaaner. she works in the finance office.

jon, alisha, and callan stopping to take a break.

darryl, reminds me of steve irwin here.

the end of straight paths and the beginning of... rocks.

melody and darryl smiling from above.

the more adventurous few.

finally reached the summit!

incredible view of masoyi.

enjoying snacks provided by alisha.

crispy rocks.

fuzzy rocks.

how did he get there?

enjoying the shade.

basking in the sun.

alisha contemplating.

paul, another afrikaaner.

our entire group! (minus emily)

this was a bit disturbing. the guys shooting dried animal excrement out of their mouths *_*

maj and the authentic cave paintings we found :)

Jehovah Jireh

2008-10-12T04:50:00.001-07:00

lately, i've been contemplating on a sermon i heard a couple of weeks ago. the pastor at new covenant church in nelspruit was depicting God as the ultimate Provider, drawing his main points from 1 kings 17:1-16. the passage tells of God's provision during elijah's travels, how God provides food through unlikely means -- ravens and a widow in zarephath who essentially has very little to give.

points that the pastor makes:

(1) who is your true source of provision?

the israelites suffer through a drought during ahab's reign, and many choose to worship baal for provision. the name, baal, means lord (lower-cased l), and he represents the false god of fertility. on the other hand, "elijah" means "He is God" or "the Lord is God," the name emphasizing that our God is the true God. our lives must focus on that fact and that God alone is our source. don't be lured by the things of this world, the pastor says. we can subtly allow these things to creep into our lives and believe that they will somehow bless us. but God has a kingdom that cannot be shaken. know this in your heart.

(2) God always has a channel. it doesn't matter how tough situations are, God will make a way of getting His supply to you. God allows for the channel to go dry sometimes, but He finds another channel for you.

we must also be careful that we don't despise the channels. ravens were considered unclean birds in the eyes of the israelites, but God wanted to use even those creatures to provide, while other people were worshipping baal for food and rain. rejoice, and take the channel.

every believer has been called to be a channel of blessings to others so that God's blessings can flow through us freely. the widow could've held onto the bread, but God blessed the channel far more because she had become a channel. it's easy to be a channel if you know that God is your source, not the flour jar; you can give it away easily.

(3) God's provision is very often not given in a big deposit. why didn't God just pour down bread and meat for elijah? it's God's strategy so that we can learn that God is our constant source. we get so anxious about tomorrow, but even in matthew 6, Jesus prays to God, "give us this day our daily bread." you don't have the grace to cope with tomorrow's worries today. God gives grace for today, and you trust God for tomorrow.

Haggai 1:9 says, "you looked for much, and behold, it came to little. and when you brought it home, I blew it away..."

God provides as He gives, not as we hold. He didn't fill up the jar first: only after the widow scooped out of the jar, God filled it up. when times are tough, we tend to hold, but God tells us to give.

our part, then, is to:

(1) put God first. we have this image of Christ knocking on the door of our hearts. we let Him in, but we don't realize that He comes through the door with His crown on. we tend to say to Christ, "in my house, i wear my own crown. leave your crown outside;" we only go so far as to view Christ as our ticket to heaven. but we must understand that Jesus comes into our lives with His crown on, and He comes in to reign. as the widow had done, we must first give up what we have in order for God to open a channel. we have to seek first His kingdom, not His blessings.

(2) we must be radically obedient to the Word of God.

(3) trust God. luke 12:24 says, "consider the ravens; they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. of how much more value are you than birds?" God feeds the ravens and allows the lilies in the fields to grow; then surely, God will look after us. He is pleased to do that.

by following these things, we will ultimately be a testimony to this world. when the world's economy goes down as it is right now, we will not be shaken because we know that our God is the true God and He alone is our provider.

***

this essentially has been a summary of my convoluted notes from the message. and although it's already been two weeks since hearing the sermon, there is still so much to chew, digest, and understand. many times, i want to communicate these things to the people in the community, but many more times, i can't seem to find a place to start or even find the right words to explain.

***

most appropriately, though, in remembrance of God's provision, the hands community will be celebrating thanksgiving tonight.

Canadian thanksgiving.

change of direction

2008-10-09T02:40:00.000-07:00

wow. it's been a long time since i've last updated!

lots of news to share with you:

(1) my housemates and i moved out of the house from asm to the dorms in the new hands' village across the road. it's a lot less cozy because of the walls of separation (literally), but we're interacting with more people from the organization. :)

(1) i've finally been assigned to my project location. much, much, MUCH to my surprise, i'll be going to... (dun dun dunnnn)

MOZAMBIQUE!!

i was almost certain that i would be going to zambia for the rest of the year, so this news really knocked the wind out of me. the other footprinters and i met with george and carly two days ago, and they told us that we would actually be split up into pairs. the other pair, as planned, will be leaving for zambia... next week! my partner (jessie) and i will be leaving for mozambique in early january, actually; the training period has been extended to the end of november/beginning of december, winter break will be held for two to three weeks, and i'll be preparing to leave in january.

i was in total shock when i first heard the news because this implies many things. first, our group of four will be split up into two. the dynamics of our relationships will completely change, and we would have to adjust to working with only one other person for the rest of the year. second, mozambique is markedly different from zambia, not only in terms of country history and lifestyle, but the projects themselves. whereas the volunteers going into zambia will be the very first footprints intake into that region, my partner and i will be the fourth or fifth intake of volunteers into mozambique. there will already be a set system of doing things, and we would probably be assigned to ongoing projects. third, i'll be having to learn portuguese! i'm looking forward to this; learning another language is always fun. fourth, my partner and i will be spending more time in south africa. and finally, well, ya know, it's mozambique!

at the beginning of training, after hearing that going to mozambique would probably not be a possibility for this year of intakes, i soaked in that fact, laid down my own desires, changed my perspective, and was getting pumped up for zambia. it feels like i'm being halted on that train, being pulled back to the starting point, and getting ready to ride in another train. i'm in a state of mixed emotions. overwhelmed? yes. excited? yes. nervous? yes. sad? yes. (we're splitting up!)

after the meeting, all i could say was,

wow, God.

WOW.

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.
- Proverbs 27:1

community stay

2008-09-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

i’m back!

this past week, i’ve been able to stay in one of the homes in the masoyi community. 4 nights and 5 days with no running water, no real bathing, minimal food supply, minimal living accommodations. i can’t describe to you all that has happened because it has been so eye-opening. the level of poverty is blatantly apparent in the community, yet it is so humbling to see people persevere through such conditions.

i stayed with one of the pre-school teachers at k2. her name is cindy. she lives with her two younger sisters and two year-old son. she is 23 years old and has taken entire responsibility to care for her sisters and child. her only job is the one she has at k2, which gives her a very small incentive each month – 600 rands, she says, which is roughly around $86 per month. her house is made out of bricks, cement, and metal roofs, and all four members of her family sleep in one bedroom. it seems her family lives on a day-to-day basis; everyday is a challenge for survival. this past wednesday, we ran out of water. knowing that i was there to spend the week with them, cindy seemed reluctant to burden me with carrying the buckets to and from the community well. so cindy borrowed water from her neighbor, who was also reluctant to share water. none of us washed that day or had much water to drink.

daily chores are also so much more work than i experienced them to be. washing dishes is especially a big task since water needs to be conserved. a small amount of water with a few squirts of dish-washing soap would be poured into a small bucket to wash all of the dishes of the day. by the fourth dish, the water would already be brown, and there wouldn’t be any soap left to clean the dishes. on wednesday, we had to use water that settled down with sediment in metal tubs at her house. i could see more than a few dead cockroaches floating on top, but we still used that water to clean the dishes.

food is also very scarce. most of the meals consist of pap (maize meal) and a gravy mixture of beans and vegetables. during the last night i stayed at the house, cindy told me she wanted to cook a nice dinner. when i got to the dinner table, there laid on the plate pap and chicken’s feet. i’ve certainly heard of people eating chicken’s feet, but never have i tasted or much less seen them. the foot on my plate looked especially grotesque; it had everything attached to it – toes/claws (?), pointy nails on the toes, etc. i’ve gone through 22 years of my life not even tasting shrimp or any kind of crustaceous seafood because they resemble insects. but how could i refuse? This was their nice dinner cooked that evening because i was there. so i smiled and found myself nibbling on the chicken’s foot. tasted the same as chicken, only less meat, more skin, more cartilage. but it still felt like i was nibbling on… someone’s hands and fingers *_*

the general lifestyle in the community is also readily different. i was surprised by the large amount of time spent in doing nothing. school and work end around 2:30 to 3:00pm, and supper isn’t until 5:30 to 6:00pm. bedtime is around 8pm, and we wake up around 5:30am. during those hours in between, we just slept or sat in the room talking with the tv on in the background. during hours like these, i would normally go out with a couple of friends to watch a movie or grab a cup of coffee. but those activities are not even considered because watching a movie, grabbing a cup of coffee, and casually going out to town are for the lives of the wealthy. experiencing such idleness helped me understand just a little of why so much of the youth become involved in crime or sexual activity. parents are dying, jobs are difficult to find, money is scant, and there simply isn’t anything to do.

but it’s hard to explain such things as a foreigner. who am i to say anything of the matter? i’ve only experienced 5 days living in the community. i would always have a life to return to in the states, but for people like cindy and her family, this is their life. it was hard to explain such things to cindy.

“hannah, why does it seem that white people don’t suffer like the black people do?”

i tried to explain things in terms of the differences in government, job availability, and pervasion of disease/illnesses in africa. i even tried to explain how things in the states aren’t that glamorous either, that a lot of people in america are suffering, too. but at the end, it seemed that all my explanations were useless. i couldn’t communicate what i felt deeply in my heart.

then, as ingrid, one of cindy’s sisters, explained to me her family situation and struggles, she said to me, “i think it was God that you came.” i replied with a shy, “oh, nooo.” but she continued seriously, “no, really. i am telling the truth. i was praying to God everyday that things might get better. and then you came. cindy and i really believe that it was God that you came.”

just listening to what she said, i was taken aback quite a bit.

Me? I am the answer to your prayers?? you’ve got to be kidding me! because boy, there isn’t much that has been answered. even as i listen to the Hands’ country representatives sharing their prayer requests for new volunteers to come into their region, i can’t imagine that i might actually be the physically-manifested answer to their prayers. what can i do? what can i possibly do to make a difference?

but after mulling over this and my incapabilities for some time, i finally realized,

God, it isn’t me. it isn’t us. it’s You, oh God. You are their hope and answer.

oh Lord, all i ask is that You use me. all i ask is that they be able to see You in me.

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
- 2 Corinthians 2:14

let my words be few

2008-09-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

today was absolutely beautiful.

clear blue sky with perfect white clouds.

i couldn't take my eyes off of the sky.

God,

You are beautiful.

transparency

2008-09-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

though there have been many kinds of events and gatherings, i think the most apparent change since last week is that in my relationships with people here. it has been a little difficult interacting with the hands family; it's only natural. but i can sense that i'm getting a little bit more comfortable as time passes: my quirks, idiosyncrasies, and inner sarcasm are coming out.

the benefit of this is that i'm becoming much more transparent.
the danger in this is that i'm becoming much more transparent.

it seems that there's so much risk in being involved in any kind of deep relationship. it's a choice, it's a conscious decision to become more vulnerable. but i realize that people here deeply desire that, in hands and especially in the community. anywhere you go, people want you to know their names, they want to be touched, they want to be cared for despite having to expose themselves in the process. coming from the western culture, i'm used to interacting with small talk, with numbers, facts and figures, so it's easy to think that the problems here can be solved with money, food parcels, buildings, and programs. but it's not that simple. problems aren't merely surface-level; they're deep wounds, and people want you to know that. everything must be relational.

While he was in one of the cities, there came a man full of leprosy. And when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged him, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will; be clean." And immediately the leprosy left him.
-Luke 5:12-13

don't simply heal.

stretch out and touch.

lion and carnage

2008-09-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

kruger park is definitely Not a zoo.

while visitors drive around on paved roads, wild animals are crossing streets and roaming around the natural park.

we saw a lot of cool animals: rhinos (Right next to our car!), a lot of elephants and giraffes, baboons, hippos, and deer-like creatures, (e.g. a Lot of impalas). for the most part, i think this experience was... exciting?

more like mentally exhausting!

you see, we were trying to spot any kind of cat (e.g. lion, leopard, cheetah) the entire time but ended up seeing none. our car was especially desperate to see a lion and some "real carnage." one of us would shout, "LION!" and jon (one of the volunteers here), would slam on the breaks, back up, take out his binoculars and search in the distance, only to find... a rock. we would even stop at sites where birds seemed to be hovering above in circles, but find no carnage. the last hour at the park was the worst because we kept on shouting and stopping. no lion, no carnage, but we did end up buying our own impala meat at the park and cook it for the evening's braai. it's crazy to think that the park is not a zoo; the animals are actually living there, and people are free to drive around and see them.

(huge kudu!)

(bats sleeping/cleaning themselves inside the cafe hut *_*)

anybody interested in seeing some live action at kruger, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

we were at that exact site, but... no carnage.

:'(

rest assured.

2008-09-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

dear wellspring family,

the moz missions team has arrived safely! they came in last night, and we spent this afternoon at k2. some of them wanted to come into the office this evening to contact you, but i haven't heard from them after parting. but they are safe and well, and i'm sure you'll hear from them shortly!

contrasting to the hot weather of only three days ago, today has been quite the opposite. it was cold, misting and raining for a bit, so it wasn't exactly the type of weather one would imagine when he/she thinks of africa. normally, i would spend an evening like this cozying up in my couch, popping in a movie, and watching it with close friends while sipping on some hot chocolate.

but with changed circumstances, i am slowly learning how to find suitable alternatives:

(1) engage in random conversations with housemates.

(2) read.

(3) sleep.

although any of the above would've given me more than enough satisfaction to conclude the day, i thought i'd take this opportunity to do something i promised long ago.

i haven't actually taken any photos during my training period. so here are some images from my trip to blyde river canyon [9-6-08].

local streets on our way to the canyon.

souvenirs and various items sold by street vendors.

i was tempted to buy one of these :)

a wide selection of jerkies/biltongs. kudu biltong was our choice.

i'm such a tourist :p

brunch at the famous "harrie's pancakes." amazing.

the two aussies of our group, ro and jon.

emily, a fellow footprinter and my roommate.

climbing up to reach "God's window."

stairway up to the site.

enjoying the beautiful scenery at "God's window."

our final destination, blyde river canyon.

alisha, my housemate, enjoying her kudu biltong.

something's not right here :p

our entire group!

the four footprinters: me, jessie, alisha, and emily (clockwise).

standing in front of the expansiveness that is of God.

hello and good bye,

for now :)

in the heat of things

2008-09-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

these past couple of days have been hot.

hot, hot, hot!

it's supposed to have reached a peak of 42oC yesterday afternoon, but being american, i didn't know what that meant. doing the conversions in my head:

107oF!

is that even possible??

so it didn't help that a lot of walking needed to be done around the masoyi community; yesterday and today marked my first days going on home-based care (hbc). while having done some research on the system and structure of hbc before coming out here, i must say, it was an experience. what kind? i can't really say.

i followed a couple of nurses and local volunteers, and we visited a number of patients -- some suffering from swollen legs caused by arthritis, some suffering from injuries from accidents earlier this year, and some who were simply mourning over the deaths of their loved ones. while giving out medication, we also sang for them, shared scripture, and simply prayed for their healing. more than the immediate pain that we witnessed, i was struck by the general atmosphere of desolation in many of the homes.

on one hand, i felt utterly useless; i wanted to Do something, i wanted to Fix something. on the other hand, i was moved by the entire scene of what this ministry was all about: simply showing God's love. and during those moments, i couldn't help but be in awe of God's perfect plan. while on earth, Jesus was not only fully God, but He was also fully man. He knew all of our pain and suffering, He knew all of our comings and goings, He felt all of our emotions -- joy and grief; He empathized with us. Yet He endured it all without sin, and He was able to heal us inside and out. and when I think of this, i only slowly begin to realize what it really means when verses in scripture read, "for God so loved the world," that "Jesus had compassion," that "Jesus wept."

sandy, one of the nurses here, has been ministering this way for 7 years in masoyi. she simply says,

"give. give until it hurts, because it hurt God to give His Son."

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
-1 John 3:16-18

identity crisis

2008-09-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

i am a married chinese female.

i'm kidding, of course, but lately, there have been way too many hilarious incidences for which i thought it just. might. be. easier. to live with that kind of perspective.

incident #1:

a couple of volunteers and i had the opportunity to spend the entire friday at k2 in masoyi. the kids at the day care center are so cute! sweet! and wild.

as soon as i opened the door for the toddlers' room, all of the kids ran toward me and offered me hugs, or rather, asked that i lift them up and twirl them around. after being caught up in this for a while, i got to sit down and play with them for a little bit more. many of them actually just wanted to touch my face; i think they were somewhat intrigued by my asian features, looking into my eyes as they brushed my hair away from my face. it was soon time for snacks, and all of the kids were called outside to drink their rooibos tea. i was standing against the wall after the food had been passed out, and for a brief but definitive moment, i found all of the kids -- literally, all of them -- staring at me, giggling, and shouting,

"china! china!"

at this point, the local caretakers and other volunteers were also laughing. laughing along, i tried to clarify,

"no nooo~ korea~ i'm korean~ do you know korea?"

a moment of pause.

"CHINA! CHINA!"

"okayyy, close enough."

it's so much fun when you don't take yourself seriously. really, i had a blast. :)

incident #2:

i have a ring that i regularly wear on one of my right-handed fingers. it was a gift from my campus ministry when i graduated, so i carry it around with me with no specific purpose. i guess the only problem with this is that the ring causes a lot of confusion:

"are you married?"

"oh no," i would say, as i try to explain the significance of the ring.

during our friday visit to k2, the other volunteers and i had the chance to stop by a local high school to meet some of the afterschool youth program leaders. there were a lot of students walking back home, so we were approached and greeted by many of them. it was actually quite chaotic; every step we took, we found ourselves shaking hands and introducing ourselves to the students. many of the students would jokingly ask the foriegn female volunteers, "do you have a boyfriend?" or "are you married?" these encounters would last a couple of seconds, and we would simply laugh, brush it off and continue to walk on.

at one moment, though, as one of the program leader was introducing us to his group of friends, the crowd forming around us seemed to be getting larger and larger. after a couple of seconds, i glanced past the crowd only to see the rest of my group walking ahead. the other female volunteers had managed to get past the crowd, but i found myself stuck in the middle of it. in a desperate attempt to escape, i frantically waved my arm and shouted, "lacey! lacey!" (lacey is a february-intake footprinter who coordinates much of the afterschool program; she lives with me and knows many of the students at the high school). i saw lacey running to fetch me. she quickly pulls me out of the crowd, grabs my arm, and thrusts my right hand into the middle of the crowd:

"see, see!! she's married!!"

but.. alas.

no ring.

i had taken off my ring at k2 because of all the confusion it had initially made. but it was causing even more confusion at the end.

lacey: "where's your ring?? what happened to your ring???"

haha..ha. ^^;;

"just keep the ring on" was the conclusion of that matter.

of course, the latter incident carries less levity than the former; i'm never left alone, and i will always be on my gaurd and try to be cautious of my surroundings.

but i guess from this situation and the like, i cannot help but feel a little

humored.

:)

this was a rather trivial account of the days past, and there are so many other -- perhaps more important -- things i wanted to share: my first prayer meeting in masoyi, my first sunday at salt church, my encounter with a girl named carol, and the volunteers' weekend trip to blyde river canyon.

but i figured, this is all part of the experience, and these incidences make my stay here much more memorable.

so good night until tomorrow!

i Will be posting photos soon.

***
notes to september wellspring missions team members:

i am praying for you!

starting line

2008-09-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

it's been two full days since i've arrived, and things are slowly but surely starting to settle down.

yesterday was the first day of training: carly, the footprints volunteer coordinator, and i went over the core values of the organization and began to talk about the vision of hands at work as well as the challenges that it faces. today was more of a cross-cultural workshop: i actually got to spend the morning in masoyi with carly as she showed me around and introduced me to people at the lula center and k2 (orphan and youth day care centers).

i am set up for 10-weeks' worth of training, the first five weeks consisting of various workshops and participation in different kinds of ministries in the community. while looking forward to all of these activities, i am especially looking forward to the community stay: i'll be living in one of the homes in masoyi for one week and experiencing life without much of the support i have at asm. after this community stay, i'll be assigned to a country for a project and go into individual preparation or the rest of the training period.

besides the regular meetings and workshops that training entails, evenings are usually filled with family-style dinners and spontaneous conversations. yesterday was my first experience with a south african bry/brie (?), a term locals use to describe a bbq. 10-15 people gathered around a pit of fire with steak, lamb chops, pork belly, sausages, chicken wings, and who-knows-what-other-kind-of-meat grilling over it. i was so full by the end of the meal that i couldn't even fit a cookie into my stomach for dessert. i've heard a lot about africa, but i did not hear about them african bry's.

even though it's only been two days, i can sense the general atmosphere of geniality here: everywhere we go, people seem to be genuinely nice. as soon as we enter the door, people immediately stop what they're doing and greet us with hugs and big smiles on their faces. it seems that having a conversation, sharing a meal and simply building a relationship take obvious precedence over following a certain chedule and completing a task, and it makes me wonder why things are so different back at home.

thank you for all of your continued prayers because much is needed!

hope all is well :)

***
notes to september wellspring mission team members:

adapters! have you already bought adapters for this trip? if so, please check that the adapter has THREE prongs (stuck in three points forming the shape of a triangle), or else, it will not fit into any of the outlets in south africa. the adapters i bought in the states do not fit, and hearing from other footprinters, most stores in north america only carry adapters for european and asian countries. if you haven't bought one yet, it can be purchased at local stores in south africa.

voltage converters! you need something that can convert 220-240V to 100-120V. most modern electronic devices (i.e. laptop) are rated for 100-240V, which covers both the US and South African (and European) voltages. All you need is an adapter for these devices rather than a converter. you would need converters for heat generating appliances such as hair dryers and other items that do not cover that entire voltage range.

the new hands at work village (where you guys will be staying) is NICE. the buildings are located right across asm, and they've just been completed, so the facilities are brand new. kitchen and dining area are more than spacious; bathroom consists of sink, shower, toilet -- everything you need; there's a laundry room with washing machine AND dryer. the rooms set up for short-term volunteers have four beds and two closets, a little more cramped than other rooms, but certainly not unaccommodating.

hope preparation is going well!

point A to point B

2008-09-02T13:27:00.001-07:00

despite the many mistakes and tedious steps taken in order for me to get here, the fact is,

i'm finally here!

again, sorry and thanks to all of you who have been involved.

i landed in joburg last night just in time to catch the last bus of the day. i tried not to look lost, but for those of you who know my sense of direction, i got kind of lost. so i tossed the idea of trying to look like i knew what i was doing and went right to the information desk after exiting the airport. with the directions i received, i found the public bus station relatively easily, and while i was waiting for the bus to arrive, i met a nice person, to say the least. she was waiting for the same bus as i was -- the citybug -- and she gave me her telephone number just in case i needed something. when we got to nelspruit, the stop where i was supposed to get picked up, she waited until the hands at work members arrived so i didn't have to wait there by myself. i was so glad to have met her. or else, i would've been completely... scared. haha

the lodging here is more than what i had expected or hoped for. i'm staying at ASM (african school of missions), and the housing is much like a college dorm (with more bugs, frogs, leaves, and dirt). we have a kitchen, bathroom with toilet and sink, hot water, bed, closet, etc., so this new environment doesn't require too many drastic changes or adjustments on my part. but i'm sure when i head out to the communities, things will be much, much, much more different.

people here are also really friendly. there are only three other footprinters; they all came in early august to start their training. the other two to three footprinters who were supposed to come in september with me had decided not to come, at least for this round of intakes. most of the people in this house are also caucasian... or more precisely, canadian. in fact, my first impression of the house and volunteers was: hmm. there are a Lot of canadians here! dinner today involved discussion over canadian politics and the sharing of many volunteers' stories about growing up in canada. i'm surprised to find myself having to adjust to the caucasian (canadian?) culture as much as i have to adjust to the african culture. it'll take time to get used to, but i hope i find myself well-adjusted in a couple of weeks.

despite my outing to nelspruit this afternoon and having spent an entire day in this country, that fact still hasn't hit me yet -- that i'm in africa and that i'll be here for an entire year.

what a year it's going to be.

in any case,
hello and good night from africa!

nights are dark, but stars are really bright here.

***

notes to september wellspring mission team members:

i'm sure many of you already know the directions to the city bug bus station, but they still might be confusing due to construction. as soon as you exit the airport after customs (i didn't have to go through customs), you'll see a rather narrow road filled with banks from right to left. turn left and follow the signs pointing toward domestic departures and parking. pass the post office and continue walking until you see signs on your right pointing toward the hotel and public transportation. cross the street and continue following the signs for public transportation. or... just ask the information desk.

days here are pretty pleasant in terms of weather, much like the bay area, but nights can get pretty cold. pants and sweaters/sweatshirts are advisable to bring.

don't worry about bringing everything. there's a grocery store in white river and a mall in nelspruit where you can practically buy anything you need.

*** photos will be coming soon!

the truth is

2008-08-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

i'm scared.

after making the decision to leave, it was pure excitement that motivated me to tackle all the logistical issues that were presented before me. immunizations, vaccinations, medication, documentation, registration -- these were entries in a list that i simply had to check off as i completed the necessary tasks. and after checking off the last entry on that list, it suddenly occurred to me that i had done absolutely nothing.

was i being prayerful about all the preparation that needed to be done?

or was i just depending on myself?

today was the biggest reality check on this particular issue. i had registered for the gre's a few weeks into the summer after having made my decision to leave for africa for a year. i believed it to be most practical and convenient to take the test before my departure date in order to enroll in a graduate program next fall. my thought process was that if i prepared my application in advance and had taken care of everything before leaving, i would be able to completely focus on my missions trip this upcoming year without having to delay the process for school next year. with such an attitude, i spent many of my summer evenings studying for the gre's. i wasn't too worried about doing well or poorly as long as i received a decent score. and so i drove to alameda this morning to take the exam. i entered the door, sat down in the cubicle, and began the test. and three hours thereafter, i found myself canceling my score for the test.

what happened?

i was simply unprepared. i was foolish. i rushed into what seemed like the perfect opportunity set up for me, but really, i was setting up the opportunity for myself. i was planning ahead, but didn't realize that God might be holding different plans for me. and so after beating myself for clicking the "cancel" button, i was finally able to come to peace.

other thoughts have also been crossing my mind as i am preparing to leave this thursday -- rather ridiculous thoughts, actually:

what if i get malaria and never come back? what if i get attacked by wild animals and never come back?? what if get amnesia, don't remember anything, and never come back??? what if get too emotionally/mentally distraught that i never come back (normally)???? i guess i'm just worried i would never come back for one reason or another -_-;;

haha, but what am i saying.

who knows what will happen?

my worries will only be worries, and my plans will only be my plans; they will remain a fleeting thought.

so what should i do?

absolutely nothing.

just surrender myself wholly to God and allow Him to do all the work in changing me. and that itself is grueling preparation.

i don't know what will happen with school, wild animals, disease, or illnesses, but maybe there are things in this world that are too wonderful for me to know.

and i'm happy with that.

:)

Then Job replied to the LORD :
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
- Job 42:1-6

peace in knowing you

2008-08-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

it's weird knowing that life on this earth can be so fleeting.

i attended a memorial service for one of my college friends today. he was diagnosed with leukemia earlier this year and passed away on the 11th of this month because of complications with pneumonia. he was 24. i didn't know him well, but certain images of him have been stuck in my mind ever since i heard the news, one image especially. during worship services on campus, he would always praise so fervently. glancing over, i always saw him closing his eyes, lifting up his hands, and swaying his body back and forth as if only he and God existed on earth at that moment. i didn't expect myself to cry at the service, but i found myself in tears. it wasn't the grief that struck me, but the suddenness of such an event. and at that moment, i realized how much more i am bound to see this upcoming year.

will i be able to handle it?

of course not.

at least not in the most immediate of senses.

no matter how much i try to prepare myself mentally/emotionally/spiritually for the suffering i will witness, i don't think i'll ever be able to overcome that perpetual question of "why." i could brush it off and suppress this urge to face the matter with a nonchalant and almost cold, "that's life" and "life goes on," but i don't think that's the way to go about it either.

it's simply a matter of being able to answer that question with and fully understand the meanings of one simple and bold truth:

because God is God. because God is good, all the time.

this may seem dogmatic, doctrinaire, and even colder than the response above, but i have to hold on to it. i have to trust in that. because it's the truth. and there's always peace in truth.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
- Psalm 24:4-5

dear friends and family,

2008-08-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

at one point or another, i probably mentioned to you of my desire to live abroad for an extended period of time. i was searching for the perfect program/organization, but nothing seemed to really fit.

it wasn't until this summer that i actually made a decision!

i will be going on a one-year mission trip to africa with hands at work. it's funny how things work in life: only after making the decision, i became absolutely certain that this was the perfect opportunity for me.

despite my initial doubts and hesitations, i thank God that He reveals these things to me in His time.

with only 3 weeks left, there is still much preparation to be done!

please pray for me! :)

you can click on the image above to read about my trip in more detail. would you also consider supporting me with a donation?

hope everything has been going well for everyone! feel free to leave a comment and keep me updated on how you're doing and how i could pray for you, too :)

God bless!

it's official.

2008-07-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

africa, here i come!

Flight UA954
Depart: Thu, Aug 28 07:20p San Francisco International Apt, US (SFO)
Arrive: Fri, Aug 29 01:35p London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR)
Flight Time: 11hr 15min

Flight SA235
Depart: Fri, Aug 29 07:00p London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR)
Arrive: Sat, Aug 30 07:10a Johannesburg O.R. Tambo International, ZA (JNB)
Flight Time: 09hr 10min