unfinished business

this past saturday, a group of us from hands decided to climb mount legogote, a five-minute drive from asm. apparently, the last time a couple of people from hands decided to climb legogote, they ended up getting lost at night while trying to come back down. a rescue team (i.e. two guys from petra college which is located on mount legogote) had to come fetch them after five hours of the groups' meandering.

and so, this trip was, in a way, for some to redeem themselves from the previous hike -- "taking care of unfinished business," as one put it.

the view from the summit was beautiful, but the journey there was excruciatingly intense. it wasn't a simple hike as i imagined it to be -- lot of sunscreen-applying, a lot of rock-climbing, a lot of huffing and puffing. while i'm glad i finally got to climb legogote, i would have second thoughts if asked to climb it again ;)

walking up the trail in legogote.

there were a lot of thorny bushes along the way.

lize-marie, our exemplary afrikaaner. she works in the finance office.

jon, alisha, and callan stopping to take a break.

darryl, reminds me of steve irwin here.

the end of straight paths and the beginning of... rocks.

melody and darryl smiling from above.

the more adventurous few.

finally reached the summit!

incredible view of masoyi.

enjoying snacks provided by alisha.

crispy rocks.

fuzzy rocks.

how did he get there?

enjoying the shade.

basking in the sun.

alisha contemplating.

paul, another afrikaaner.

our entire group! (minus emily)

this was a bit disturbing. the guys shooting dried animal excrement out of their mouths *_*

maj and the authentic cave paintings we found :)

Jehovah Jireh

lately, i've been contemplating on a sermon i heard a couple of weeks ago. the pastor at new covenant church in nelspruit was depicting God as the ultimate Provider, drawing his main points from 1 kings 17:1-16. the passage tells of God's provision during elijah's travels, how God provides food through unlikely means -- ravens and a widow in zarephath who essentially has very little to give.

points that the pastor makes:

(1) who is your true source of provision?

the israelites suffer through a drought during ahab's reign, and many choose to worship baal for provision. the name, baal, means lord (lower-cased l), and he represents the false god of fertility. on the other hand, "elijah" means "He is God" or "the Lord is God," the name emphasizing that our God is the true God. our lives must focus on that fact and that God alone is our source. don't be lured by the things of this world, the pastor says. we can subtly allow these things to creep into our lives and believe that they will somehow bless us. but God has a kingdom that cannot be shaken. know this in your heart.

(2) God always has a channel. it doesn't matter how tough situations are, God will make a way of getting His supply to you. God allows for the channel to go dry sometimes, but He finds another channel for you.

we must also be careful that we don't despise the channels. ravens were considered unclean birds in the eyes of the israelites, but God wanted to use even those creatures to provide, while other people were worshipping baal for food and rain. rejoice, and take the channel.

every believer has been called to be a channel of blessings to others so that God's blessings can flow through us freely. the widow could've held onto the bread, but God blessed the channel far more because she had become a channel. it's easy to be a channel if you know that God is your source, not the flour jar; you can give it away easily.

(3) God's provision is very often not given in a big deposit. why didn't God just pour down bread and meat for elijah? it's God's strategy so that we can learn that God is our constant source. we get so anxious about tomorrow, but even in matthew 6, Jesus prays to God, "give us this day our daily bread." you don't have the grace to cope with tomorrow's worries today. God gives grace for today, and you trust God for tomorrow.

Haggai 1:9 says, "you looked for much, and behold, it came to little. and when you brought it home, I blew it away..."

God provides as He gives, not as we hold. He didn't fill up the jar first: only after the widow scooped out of the jar, God filled it up. when times are tough, we tend to hold, but God tells us to give.

our part, then, is to:

(1) put God first. we have this image of Christ knocking on the door of our hearts. we let Him in, but we don't realize that He comes through the door with His crown on. we tend to say to Christ, "in my house, i wear my own crown. leave your crown outside;" we only go so far as to view Christ as our ticket to heaven. but we must understand that Jesus comes into our lives with His crown on, and He comes in to reign. as the widow had done, we must first give up what we have in order for God to open a channel. we have to seek first His kingdom, not His blessings.

(2) we must be radically obedient to the Word of God.

(3) trust God. luke 12:24 says, "consider the ravens; they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. of how much more value are you than birds?" God feeds the ravens and allows the lilies in the fields to grow; then surely, God will look after us. He is pleased to do that.

by following these things, we will ultimately be a testimony to this world. when the world's economy goes down as it is right now, we will not be shaken because we know that our God is the true God and He alone is our provider.

***

this essentially has been a summary of my convoluted notes from the message. and although it's already been two weeks since hearing the sermon, there is still so much to chew, digest, and understand. many times, i want to communicate these things to the people in the community, but many more times, i can't seem to find a place to start or even find the right words to explain.

***

most appropriately, though, in remembrance of God's provision, the hands community will be celebrating thanksgiving tonight.

Canadian thanksgiving.

change of direction

wow. it's been a long time since i've last updated!

lots of news to share with you:

(1) my housemates and i moved out of the house from asm to the dorms in the new hands' village across the road. it's a lot less cozy because of the walls of separation (literally), but we're interacting with more people from the organization. :)

(1) i've finally been assigned to my project location. much, much, MUCH to my surprise, i'll be going to... (dun dun dunnnn)

MOZAMBIQUE!!

i was almost certain that i would be going to zambia for the rest of the year, so this news really knocked the wind out of me. the other footprinters and i met with george and carly two days ago, and they told us that we would actually be split up into pairs. the other pair, as planned, will be leaving for zambia... next week! my partner (jessie) and i will be leaving for mozambique in early january, actually; the training period has been extended to the end of november/beginning of december, winter break will be held for two to three weeks, and i'll be preparing to leave in january.

i was in total shock when i first heard the news because this implies many things. first, our group of four will be split up into two. the dynamics of our relationships will completely change, and we would have to adjust to working with only one other person for the rest of the year. second, mozambique is markedly different from zambia, not only in terms of country history and lifestyle, but the projects themselves. whereas the volunteers going into zambia will be the very first footprints intake into that region, my partner and i will be the fourth or fifth intake of volunteers into mozambique. there will already be a set system of doing things, and we would probably be assigned to ongoing projects. third, i'll be having to learn portuguese! i'm looking forward to this; learning another language is always fun. fourth, my partner and i will be spending more time in south africa. and finally, well, ya know, it's mozambique!

at the beginning of training, after hearing that going to mozambique would probably not be a possibility for this year of intakes, i soaked in that fact, laid down my own desires, changed my perspective, and was getting pumped up for zambia. it feels like i'm being halted on that train, being pulled back to the starting point, and getting ready to ride in another train. i'm in a state of mixed emotions. overwhelmed? yes. excited? yes. nervous? yes. sad? yes. (we're splitting up!)

after the meeting, all i could say was,

wow, God.

WOW.

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.
- Proverbs 27:1

community stay

i’m back!

this past week, i’ve been able to stay in one of the homes in the masoyi community. 4 nights and 5 days with no running water, no real bathing, minimal food supply, minimal living accommodations. i can’t describe to you all that has happened because it has been so eye-opening. the level of poverty is blatantly apparent in the community, yet it is so humbling to see people persevere through such conditions.

i stayed with one of the pre-school teachers at k2. her name is cindy. she lives with her two younger sisters and two year-old son. she is 23 years old and has taken entire responsibility to care for her sisters and child. her only job is the one she has at k2, which gives her a very small incentive each month – 600 rands, she says, which is roughly around $86 per month. her house is made out of bricks, cement, and metal roofs, and all four members of her family sleep in one bedroom. it seems her family lives on a day-to-day basis; everyday is a challenge for survival. this past wednesday, we ran out of water. knowing that i was there to spend the week with them, cindy seemed reluctant to burden me with carrying the buckets to and from the community well. so cindy borrowed water from her neighbor, who was also reluctant to share water. none of us washed that day or had much water to drink.

daily chores are also so much more work than i experienced them to be. washing dishes is especially a big task since water needs to be conserved. a small amount of water with a few squirts of dish-washing soap would be poured into a small bucket to wash all of the dishes of the day. by the fourth dish, the water would already be brown, and there wouldn’t be any soap left to clean the dishes. on wednesday, we had to use water that settled down with sediment in metal tubs at her house. i could see more than a few dead cockroaches floating on top, but we still used that water to clean the dishes.

food is also very scarce. most of the meals consist of pap (maize meal) and a gravy mixture of beans and vegetables. during the last night i stayed at the house, cindy told me she wanted to cook a nice dinner. when i got to the dinner table, there laid on the plate pap and chicken’s feet. i’ve certainly heard of people eating chicken’s feet, but never have i tasted or much less seen them. the foot on my plate looked especially grotesque; it had everything attached to it – toes/claws (?), pointy nails on the toes, etc. i’ve gone through 22 years of my life not even tasting shrimp or any kind of crustaceous seafood because they resemble insects. but how could i refuse? This was their nice dinner cooked that evening because i was there. so i smiled and found myself nibbling on the chicken’s foot. tasted the same as chicken, only less meat, more skin, more cartilage. but it still felt like i was nibbling on… someone’s hands and fingers *_*

the general lifestyle in the community is also readily different. i was surprised by the large amount of time spent in doing nothing. school and work end around 2:30 to 3:00pm, and supper isn’t until 5:30 to 6:00pm. bedtime is around 8pm, and we wake up around 5:30am. during those hours in between, we just slept or sat in the room talking with the tv on in the background. during hours like these, i would normally go out with a couple of friends to watch a movie or grab a cup of coffee. but those activities are not even considered because watching a movie, grabbing a cup of coffee, and casually going out to town are for the lives of the wealthy. experiencing such idleness helped me understand just a little of why so much of the youth become involved in crime or sexual activity. parents are dying, jobs are difficult to find, money is scant, and there simply isn’t anything to do.

but it’s hard to explain such things as a foreigner. who am i to say anything of the matter? i’ve only experienced 5 days living in the community. i would always have a life to return to in the states, but for people like cindy and her family, this is their life. it was hard to explain such things to cindy.

“hannah, why does it seem that white people don’t suffer like the black people do?”

i tried to explain things in terms of the differences in government, job availability, and pervasion of disease/illnesses in africa. i even tried to explain how things in the states aren’t that glamorous either, that a lot of people in america are suffering, too. but at the end, it seemed that all my explanations were useless. i couldn’t communicate what i felt deeply in my heart.

then, as ingrid, one of cindy’s sisters, explained to me her family situation and struggles, she said to me, “i think it was God that you came.” i replied with a shy, “oh, nooo.” but she continued seriously, “no, really. i am telling the truth. i was praying to God everyday that things might get better. and then you came. cindy and i really believe that it was God that you came.”

just listening to what she said, i was taken aback quite a bit.

Me? I am the answer to your prayers?? you’ve got to be kidding me! because boy, there isn’t much that has been answered. even as i listen to the Hands’ country representatives sharing their prayer requests for new volunteers to come into their region, i can’t imagine that i might actually be the physically-manifested answer to their prayers. what can i do? what can i possibly do to make a difference?

but after mulling over this and my incapabilities for some time, i finally realized,

God, it isn’t me. it isn’t us. it’s You, oh God. You are their hope and answer.

oh Lord, all i ask is that You use me. all i ask is that they be able to see You in me.

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
- 2 Corinthians 2:14

let my words be few

today was absolutely beautiful.

clear blue sky with perfect white clouds.

i couldn't take my eyes off of the sky.

God,

You are beautiful.

transparency

though there have been many kinds of events and gatherings, i think the most apparent change since last week is that in my relationships with people here. it has been a little difficult interacting with the hands family; it's only natural. but i can sense that i'm getting a little bit more comfortable as time passes: my quirks, idiosyncrasies, and inner sarcasm are coming out.

the benefit of this is that i'm becoming much more transparent.
the danger in this is that i'm becoming much more transparent.

it seems that there's so much risk in being involved in any kind of deep relationship. it's a choice, it's a conscious decision to become more vulnerable. but i realize that people here deeply desire that, in hands and especially in the community. anywhere you go, people want you to know their names, they want to be touched, they want to be cared for despite having to expose themselves in the process. coming from the western culture, i'm used to interacting with small talk, with numbers, facts and figures, so it's easy to think that the problems here can be solved with money, food parcels, buildings, and programs. but it's not that simple. problems aren't merely surface-level; they're deep wounds, and people want you to know that. everything must be relational.

While he was in one of the cities, there came a man full of leprosy. And when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged him, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will; be clean." And immediately the leprosy left him.
-Luke 5:12-13

don't simply heal.

stretch out and touch.

lion and carnage

kruger park is definitely Not a zoo.

while visitors drive around on paved roads, wild animals are crossing streets and roaming around the natural park.

we saw a lot of cool animals: rhinos (Right next to our car!), a lot of elephants and giraffes, baboons, hippos, and deer-like creatures, (e.g. a Lot of impalas). for the most part, i think this experience was... exciting?

more like mentally exhausting!

you see, we were trying to spot any kind of cat (e.g. lion, leopard, cheetah) the entire time but ended up seeing none. our car was especially desperate to see a lion and some "real carnage." one of us would shout, "LION!" and jon (one of the volunteers here), would slam on the breaks, back up, take out his binoculars and search in the distance, only to find... a rock. we would even stop at sites where birds seemed to be hovering above in circles, but find no carnage. the last hour at the park was the worst because we kept on shouting and stopping. no lion, no carnage, but we did end up buying our own impala meat at the park and cook it for the evening's braai. it's crazy to think that the park is not a zoo; the animals are actually living there, and people are free to drive around and see them.

(huge kudu!)

(bats sleeping/cleaning themselves inside the cafe hut *_*)

anybody interested in seeing some live action at kruger, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

we were at that exact site, but... no carnage.

:'(